Monday, August 22, 2011

Out of Gas

It's been a month and 8 days since my last post.  Hell, that is even longer than the month I was gone when I said I was quitting blogging and ended up coming back.  It wasn't from  a lack of wanting to by any means; hell, I wanted to update the blog.  But I just have had ZERO energy and then coupled with tragedy getting in the way, blogging just didn't win out in my list of things to do.

Last time I blogged, Jess was in recovery from her knee surgery and I was playing the part of caretaker.  Fast forward over a month later and nothing has really changed.  In fact, today is the very first day she can walk, but only at a 25% rate.  9 weeks later and she can only put 25% of her weight on that right leg!!!  Like I mentioned last time, she has been a wonderful patient and I even bought her a ring to show her my appreciation for being a good patient.  But good patient or not, I have still been responsible for almost everything in this house for the last 9 weeks.  Little by little she has been able to do more and more (as much as you can possibly do without being able to walk), but the 9 weeks has certainly drained so much out of me.  Work, make breakfast, work, make lunch, work, make dinner, and then start all over again.  I don't mind because I am doing what needs to be done, but it doesn't make me any less exhausted.  But the whole situation is getting better and more fun in our lives should follow.

If my lack of energy while Jess recovers was the only thing we had to worry about, I might have blogged sooner since the amount of stuff Jess has been able to do on her own has increased little by little.  But that isn't the only challenge that has come our way since my last post.  On August 7th, Jessica's mom passed away after a VERY long and VERY courageous battle with a disease that she battled for as long as I have known her.  She had been in pain for so long and it finally became too much.  In the end, it was the best for her, but it doesn't make things easier - especially for Jess.  If you remember, Jess lost her stepmom to cancer just last year.  How is it fair that she would lose her mom the very next year?  How is that fair to anyone to lose two parents in back to back years?  So, while we were already drained from this whole recovery process, the few days we were in the Bay Area for her final days just totally took the lack of energy to a whole new level. 

The good news is we had a wonderful remembrance party for her mom on Saturday and we can now begin the healing process while simultaneously begin to slowly get our lives back to some semblance of a normal life.  And speaking of normal, I AM still taking my daily pictures.  As it has been so long since I have posted, I can't possibly post all of the missed pictures.  Here are just a few of my favorites:

July 18th, 2011 - Day 199

July 20th, 2011 - Day 201

July 22nd, 2011 - Day 203

July 23rd, 2011 - Day 204

July 27th, 2011 - Day 208

August 2nd, 2011 - Day 214

August 10th, 2011 - Day 222

August 18th, 2011 - Day 230

August 19th, 2011 - Day 231

Fingers crossed normalcy is just around the corner.  


Miss Sassy Pants said...

You have been amazing in all aspects of the last month - care giver, food maker, house cleaner, clothes washer, pain pill passer, drink getter and emotional supporter. Never, ever would I have survived the recovery or the loss of my mom without you. You are amazing and I am more thankful for you than you could ever begin to understand.

nani said...

Welcome back! I have missed your posts even though I see you everyday on FB. Your pictures are terrific! I love the one of Cassie and the wee one and the one of the Thistle. There was an article about them in the paper this morning. They are actually a menace! LOL!
I know what you have been through this past month and I am certain things are on the path to normalcy now. You have a wonderful trip to Disneyland planned and Jess should be able to walk normally soon.
Life isn't fair. Life is life and you must take the good with the bad. :-/ I love you both so much! Prayers and hugs and kisses for you both. Love, Nani

Mom said...

I am so glad that you have found the time to blog. I know it hasn't been easy. I have missed you.

On that note, I have to tell you what an amazing caretaker you have been to your lovely wife. I can't begin to tell you both how bad I feel at the timing of all this. Having Jessica's surgery and Lil Dude arriving at the same time was sheer poor timing for me to help. I know you have needed help and the little I could do for you guys is just that. I hope you can understand that my heart was there, I just couldn't be.

I think you made a great choicein the pictures you chose.

Love you!!!

Tara said...

I'm so sorry for everything you and Jessica have been through. The remembrance party was a great idea.

Thank you for posting more photos! I've missed 'em! That first photo of the food makes me hungry, the second photo of the fallen flower makes me sad and I love the cheerful, fun photo at the bottom.

laura b. said...

Glad you were able to post. Of course we keep up to date on FB, but there is still something special about blogging :-)
I'm sorry about the losses you two have endured, but it has also been a time of joy with your little nephew arriving and Jessica's steady recovery.
And your photos just keep getting more amazing. Never stop :-)

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

I am so very sorry to hear about Jess's Mom.. That is very sad.. Jess is indeed lucky to have someone that is so supportive and loving.. My Father passed August 1st and its difficult to find words to express our emotions at times.. I'm glad though you have each other and hope that times will get better... Love the pics as always..