Thursday, December 29, 2005

Who needs babies?

It seems everyone I know is pregnant. A good friend would be happy for them. Not me. I am jealous beyond belief. The green-eyed monster has a hold on me like you wouldn't believe. The other day we found out one of our friends is pregnant, and we saw her that same day. I didn't talk to her at all about it, didn't even congratulate her. I'm so terrible...

It's just hard when the only thing you want in the world is to have a baby. We've been trying for a year and a half with no luck. It's so hard, so disappointing, so frustrating. Our friends are good people, would be good parents and are deserving so I feel even worse that I'm not really happy for them. But we are good people, would be good parents and are deserving too...

Everyone who knows we're trying says that it will happen when the time is right, and I know that in my head, but my heart doesn't understand. So in the meantime, I'm separating myself from it. It is just too painful. Don't expect me to ask you questions about your pregnancy, gush over your growing belly, or go to your baby shower and really have a good time. If this makes me a terrible, selfish, self-centered person, I'm sorry. I just can't constantly be reminded of what I desperately want and can't have.

But I've come to a realization (maybe this is me trying to fool myself into thinking I don't really want babies, but whatever works...) I have 2 great dogs that I love and treat just like kids. I feed them, bathe them, teach them, take them to the doctor, play with them, hold them, cuddle them, and in return, they follow me everywhere I go and know Manuel and I as "Daddy" and "Mommy." They are wonderful and make me very happy, and really, isn't that what it's all about? Kids, dogs, whatever...

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Would You Rather...

We got a few of these books for Christmas (NOT '"The Holidays") and have been having fun going through them. We're getting tons of ideas, some of them quite putrid, as this one is. Good luck with this one. Personally, I'd rather kill myself than actually do either. But remember, you HAVE to choose one...

Would you rather...

Stick your entire head up an elephant's butt


Lick a corpse clean after an autopsy?

This choice was actually in one of these books. Where do they come up with this stuff?!

So since I HAVE to choose, I'd stick my head up an elephant's butt. Licking a corpse is rancid, but licking a corpse clean after an autopsy is even more rancid. I shudder to think...

Left Behind

For the past 5 months or so, the only books I have read have been from a 12 part series called Left Behind. There was some magazine reading here and there, but these were the only books I picked up, mostly on weekends at open houses. Finally, a couple of weeks ago, I finally finished the final book. After 12 books and nearly 5,000 pages, I finished the series that I simply could not put down. So what's it about? Well, it's a religious series that doesn't have to be read by a religious person to be enjoyed. Basically, at the beginning of the first book, millions on the planet disappear which we learn right away are the ones who were strong believers in God. The rest of the people "left behind" eventually start dividing into two sides - a side that believes that if they believe in God, he will come back for them in seven years and a side who follows the new leader of the world who just happens to be the anti-christ. The suspense in this story was just amazing and also quite gruesome at times. It was very much like the Stephen King story, "The Stand." If you liked the book or movie adaptation, you will love this series. Yes, it's long, but the story is just amazing and hard to put down. There is SOME religious preachiness, but for the LARGE majority, anyone can enjoy this. My wife is almost done, loves it, and as I said before, she is not religious. My mother in law also read it after getting good recommendations from me about 3 books in. Simply put, it's a great story.

OK, stop the nonsense

This whole anti-Christmas campaign has got to stop. It seems like that is all I am hearing about lately; the newspaper, tv, the radio. You can't get away from it. Now, I understand that some people are not religious and that is ok with me. My wife isn't really a religious person, but she still says Merry Christmas. It's just a word. When you say Merry Christmas to someone, you are saying, "I hope you and your family have a happy day on the 25th of December. Most people (not all) are not saying, celebrate Christ our Lord Jesus on the 25th of December or else you are going to hell. Sure, there are SOME people like that but the large majority who wish you a Merry Christmas are simply wishing you a good day. But all of this controversy now and talk of changing everything to Happy Holidays is just sickening. Are we going to now shop for a holiday trees? Are we now going to sing holiday carols? Are we going to watch on tv, "A Holiday Story" and "How the Grinch Stole the Holidays?" Probably not, but if some people get their way, that appears what it might come to. And so what if you aren't religious and someone says Merry Christmas. I wouldn't get pissed off if someone said Happy Hanukah. I would just thank them and take the well wishes. GET OVER IT!!! Oh, and I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas...

Sunday, December 25, 2005

A Fictional Short Story by Wes Slater


To answer the phone or not to answer the phone? I could not decide and yet the time was going to come when I would have to make a choice. I could only pick up my cell phone and stare at it in an attempt to make it ring. If it did ring and I answered it I would no doubt find out the truth. If I let it go unanswered then I would be letting go and moving on with my life. My bedroom walls were closing in on me as I sat in my chair staring at a TV screen. I kept changing the channels, but was so lost in my dilemma that it was an exercise in futility. It appeared nothing could free my mind from this psychological prison.
As I sat back in my slightly cracked leather chair and took a deep breath I could feel my entire body tense. The pressure was palpable and I was surrounded by a living space that had been turned into a shrine dedicated to one person. A smile crept across my face as I spun in my chair and absorbed the world I had created for myself. It seemed that if a reminder wasn’t on my body it was preserved in a time-locked capsule to make sure that moment in time was captured for all eternity.
I faced the window in my bedroom and looked down to my bed, which was overrun with inanimate objects that reminded me of Jillian. She had given me the navy blue bed sheets with carnation decorations that covered the twin-sized bed. The pillowcases matched the bed sheets and next to my pillows was a gift that had long outlived its initial usefulness. Snowflake was his name and he was a tiny white teddy bear given to me for a Valentine’s Day gift almost 3 years ago. It had been personalized with a black leather necklace with a pendant that spelled out Jillian’s name on it as well a see-through pair of undergarments. Snowflake made me feel comforted and safe and he even smelled like my Jillian. I swear I could smell Charlie Blue on any person because of how exposed I was to it every night. Not that I ever had any problems getting a good nights rest, but this bedspread always did the trick.
Getting up from my chair and laying on my freshly made bed, I closed my eyes and could still hear those words in my ear as if she was there on top of me whispering them into my ear. I always believed it was just the moment making her tell me she loved me, but that was always the allure of my Jillian. I never knew where she was coming from at any given moment. I opened my eyes and thought to myself how lucky I was to have a lock on my bedroom door. My father would not have approved of that kind of behavior.
The reminiscing was doing my heavy heart some good until I saw the picture frame face down on my desktop. It was no secret to the other people in my life that I was seeing Jillian, but they didn’t know the entire story. The picture frame was only open and standing when I was the only one in the room. I walked over to the frame and opened it up. The picture on the left side of the frame was my beautiful Jillian at her best. The picture to the right side of the frame was that of Junior, Jillian’s 7-year old son. It was always bittersweet looking into the eyes of a family that wasn’t my own. I was the world to one of them and a ghost to the other. Depending on my mood I could be found smiling at the sight of these pictures or crying.
I set the frame down and turned to face my door when I was struck with a happier memory. I could remember how corny I thought it would look in my room before I even did it. My friends for this one act would ridicule me, but it had to be done. I had never been given balloons as a gift before and I couldn’t just let them go by letting the air out and trashing them, so I did what any mentally challenged person would do for love. I deflated those balloons, framed them and hung them up on my door. One balloon read I Love You and the other had MI Amor embroidered on it. I couldn’t help but laugh at it because it wasn’t that long ago that my bedroom walls were covered in posters featuring bikini clad women. Now I had replaced them with balloons.
All this soul searching had me amazed at how the last three years of my life had come to be summed up by a room full of memories and one single phone call. I always had a feeling that it would all end badly because it was always going to come down to a simple question for Jillian. Him or me? He was there before me and had taken her down the aisle, but I was the one who made her feel like she was a princess. I didn’t know it was possible to hate someone I had never met, but I discovered anything is possible. I always gave Jillian the benefit of the doubt because of her family situation and I felt ashamed that I could not do more to be able to help her out of the life she had committed to long ago. But she never made it easy for me to think I was her number one choice. Feeling the necklace around my neck reminded me of that everyday.
The necklace had a pendant with a name on it and it read, "Cali." She would have been a year old this past week. I joked with myself that even a virgin could get lucky more than once on the first night. I did and the decision was made before I even knew it was a decision to make. I even helped Jillian pay for the procedure, but she wouldn’t let me go with her to get it done. I use to be able to tell myself that I can get through that kind of pain with her by my side, but as it turned out I was the only one going through any pain. For some reason, Jillian decided to come clean with me one day several months back and revealed to me that I was carrying a torch for a child that really never existed. But my love for Jillian wouldn’t let me simply turn my back to her. It altered my entire perception of reality and love.
My daydream ended immediately with the vibrations coming from my desk. It was my cell phone. Jillian had sent me a text message earlier in the day that she really need to talk with me and that it was important, but all this thinking had gotten to me. I was frozen and as the phone kept vibrating I could feel a tension leave my body as if I was finally letting go. She would never choose me no matter how long we keep this up. No matter what I did she would go home to him. Junior would always come before me. The phone stopped ringing. It was the first time I ever ignored her call. I didn’t feel any guilt or any need to call her right back. I had let go of my dream. Seconds later, I could hear tires squealing from a fast moving car right outside my house. I walked outside to see what the commotion was and was stopped cold by what was waiting for me at my front door. A dozen red roses and a bunch of balloons were on the ground and a tiny box was tied to the balloons. I picked up the box and opened it and revealed a platinum ring.
Was I wrong? Did Jillian finally choose me? With my mouth open I felt salty-water drip onto the ring in the box. What had I done?

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Lighting Sucks Yo - AGAIN

If you remember a couple of months ago, I posted about my friend's house in Oklahoma being struck by lighting. Well, what do you know, it happened again, IN THE SAME SPOT! Now, they say that lighting never strikes the same place twice. Obviously, that is not true. Needless to say, she is installing some sort of lightning rod on the top of the house to divert the lightning should it miraculously happen again.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


Saturday was the season ending poker tournament at my house. After a long season of many tournaments, 10 of us gathered to win the year long prize pool and the coveted player of the year title that comes complete with a trophy. What a time for the best tournament of the year! This tournament lasted about 4 and a half hours and took many twists and turns. 6 of the 10 players had the chip lead at one point, many of them after being the short stack for a while. With 5 players left, I had the lowest amount of chips. However, I battled my way back and was even in chips with Jason as we went heads up. After a foolish move by me, he had 7 times as many chips as me. Again, I battled back, took the chip lead, and at 11:30, I was the 2005 poker champion. Yes, I won a stack of money, but being the player of the year among my friends means so much more. I can't wait for the new season to start January 7th!

The 5 Things That Pissed Me Off Last Week

#5 - The Kings still suck. You know, they are going to have to make some moves real soon because the ship is sinking. At almost a third of the way through the season, it is obvious that the problems probably aren't going to just correct themselves.

#4, 3, 2, 1 - Yes, the next 4 spots are taken up by one group of people - Christmas shoppers. What is it about the holiday season that just brings out the worst in people. At the stores, people just become grumpy, self-centered idiots. Yeah, it is more crowded out in the world and nobody likes that. Deal with it. That is what happens. And remember, YOU are not the most important person out there. It is bad enough when people are out walking in the mall, but it gets even worse when they are in the car. On Saturday, I drove to the bank and back home - a 10 minute trip. I almost got hit by FOUR different cars. Cars weaving in and out of traffic, cars trying to fit where they can't, and cars that just can't wait their turn. All in the holiday spirit! Just relax out there, slow down, use your head, and don't be an ass out there. You won't like me when I am angry.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Would you rather...

Would you rather immerse you naked body in a bathtub of cockroaches


dive naked head first into a pool of chewing tobacco spit?

Um... Yick to both, but since I HAVE to choose, I'll go with the cockroaches.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Something to believe in.

Sooooo. Once again it's that time to fulfill an obligation to my peeps. The year is almost over and I do what everyone does at the end of the year. What did I learn this year? I don't mean to go all Yoda on everyone, but I can't help but feel I have done ALOT of sitting in exile and thinking. I discovered a few things about myself and here it goes

A girl can make a guy do anything. THAT is so true.
I was an angry young man growing up and I blamed alot of people for all of my disappointments.
I finally found something to believe in, and I was so wrong.
I miss my family. Mostly I just miss her.
The end does not justify the means. EVER.
It is possible to have a CD by Chamillionaire, Craig David, and Fort Minor and still be cool. That one a is a thinker.
Moving out is cool. Guess this cooking thing is easy.
You can find friends in the strangest of places. Even MySpace.
I will never get tired of buying shoes.
Finally I must steal this from my man Ne-Yo. I am so sick of love songs, but why can't I turn off the radio?
Peace my peeps. Oh and a special shout out to Cassie. Thanks for the compliment because every writer wants feedback, good or bad. But an honest writer wants to have the effect that my writing has on you when you read my posts. Spread the virus kid. OUT!

Monday, December 12, 2005

What the Hell?!?!?!?

Man he's a weird dude...

The Five Things That Pissed Me Off Last Week

5- The gym I joined in JULY still hasn't opened yet. They keep delaying the opening because of building issues. I stopped by today and they said hopefully by the end of the week. Yeah right. C'mon..I need the exercise. Hurry the "F" up!

4- The Walmart by my house is nearing completion. Damnit....go somewhere else you bastards!

3- Comments, comments, comments. Yup, you've heard this all before. Maybe I need to repost that step by step instruction sheet on how to leave a comment. Have nothing to say, leave a, "Hey Manuel, you are so cool," or a "Hey, man I wish I was you, " or something of that nature.

2- Kings still suck. Sure, they ended the week on a two game winning streak and actually looked decent. It still doesn't make up for the monstrosity that was the beginning of the week.

1- The aformentioned bitch at the open house. I don't think I need to add any more to that.

Miami Vice BABY!!!

The trailer is out for the '06 version of Miami Vice! It looks friggin' AWESOME!!! Go see it now at Yeah, it is weird that it is on this website, but it must be a sponsor or something. Anyway, I cannot wait for this!!! GO GO GO and leave me a comment on what you think...

Sunday, December 11, 2005

I gotta quench my thirst

Another news article for ya (although nobody ever seems to comment on these articles; WTF?):

Police: Officer used Taser in fight over soda
6-year veteran charged with assaulting his partner in Michigan incident

HAMTRAMCK, Mich. - A police officer has been charged with using a Taser on his partner during an argument over whether they should stop for a soft drink.
Ronald Dupuis, 32, was charged Wednesday with assault and could face up to three months in jail if convicted. The six-year veteran was fired after the Nov. 3 incident.
Dupuis and partner Prema Graham began arguing after Dupuis demanded she stop their car at a store so he could buy a soft drink, according to a police report. The two then struggled over the steering wheel, and Dupuis hit her leg with his department-issued Taser, the report said. She was not seriously hurt.
Hamtramck police union lawyer Eugene Bolanowski said he expected Dupuis to hire a private lawyer.
Hamtramck is a city of 23,000 surrounded by Detroit.

So, I'm guessing these two had problems before, but what the hell!?!?!?! I would love to know what he was yelling at her as her body shook from the jolts of electricity going through her body. With anger issues like this, I guess it is a good thing he got fired from being a cop.


Ok, so I am doing an open house today and this is how it went with the last person who just came in. this older lady comes by and is looking at the house. I ask her, "Are you looking for something in the area?" as that is a standard question to see why the person is at the house. Her reply in a condecending tone was, "Now WHY else would I be her if I wasn't looking for something in this area?" ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?! THAT IS YOUR ANSWER?!?!?! I say to her, "Well mam, some people just like to LOOK to see what is for sale around where they live while other people just happen to be visiting someone in the area and decide it would be fun to look at a house." See, there are plenty of people who like to go to open houses for fun and have no real intention of buying. That is why we ask the question. She says, "Actually, I am not the one looking, I am looking for something in the area for my daughter." So after the bitchass answer you gave me, you AREN'T looking for something in the area. Your daughter is and you are just helping her? Wouldn't the appropriate answer be, "Actually, my daughter is but I am helping her look." How hard is that? I don't need some old grandma mouthing off to me with some comment like that. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 09, 2005


It is funny that a message can come from the unlikeliest of places. So, I am sitting there watching the new episode of Smallville and by the end of the hour I have learned something from the episode. One, I really dig Allison Mack. She plays Chloe Sullivan on the show. Second and most importantly, I was reminded of something that will always be true in all of our lives. No matter who is giving the message or what the message is, there will always be many different ways to interpret said message. Such a subjective thing lessons tend to be. I could sit here and describe to you an exact moment in my life and ask you what lesson I should have learned from it and more than likely it would not be the same as my own interpretation. In the end life is a series of questions that have two answers. Yes or no? Good or bad? left or right? Each answer will lead you to the next question and by the end of the day you have conducted your own pop quiz on life. I guess in this lil analogy the Final Exam in life youtake is either having to say I DO or I DON'T. Guess I won't have to answer that question this lifetime. :)

Would You Rather..

This week's choice brought to you by that sick and twisted Manuel...

Every hour, on the hour, would you rather...

Throw up for 5 minutes?


Have cramps and diarrhea for 5 minutes?

Yeah, those both suck... I'm gonna go with the cramps and diarrhea though because long-term vomiting eats away at your esophagus and teeth and all that. In the long run, I think the vomiting is worse on your body. Yick...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

A poor choice...

So the US Postal service will be releasing stamps next year with superheroes. Unfortunately, they are releasing them with god-awful DC Comics characters. Yeah, this is the boy-nerd in me, but using Marvel characters would have been MUCH better choices that these wannabee comic icons. Since they used a total of 8 characters plus a comic cover they each appeared on, here are my choices for what would have been better decisions...

#1 - Wolverine - Of course, my favorite character and now very popular from the movies. There is talks of a Wolverine spinoff flick coming after the third X-Men film.

#2 - Spiderman - Yeah, his movies have been doing pretty well wouldn't you think?

#3 - Incredible Hulk - Even though the film was a traveshamockery, he is still one of the most recognizable heroes today.

#4 - Captain America - Just as patriotic as Superman without the stupid cape.

#5 - Punisher - The movie was decent, but a badass like him deserves his own stamp.

#6 - The Thing - Didn't see see the movie although I heard it sucks. Still, how can you not include him?

#7 - Thor - He's the friggin' God of Thunder! He even made a special appearance in Adventures in Babysitting.

#8 - Silver Surfer - Just a cool guy. Made it onto a Joe Satriani album

There you have it. Much better choices. Hell, I could have chosen better characters using supervillians. DC COMICS??? Yuck....

P.S. After posting this, I quizzed Jess. She knew about 3 or 4 of the DC guys, but knew ALL of the Marvel guys. Hmm, I rest my case.

Oops..I can't count. The stamps have TEN heroes and I only included 8. So, I get to add 2 more even though most of you have read this by now(or skipped it because it is just comic characters). I am going to spend these last 2 picks on lesser known characters who deserve more fame.

#9 - Ghost Rider - One of my lesser known favorites and coming to the big screen soon staring Nicholas Cage.

#10 - Gambit - One of the X-Men. Why hasn't he been in the movies???

The 5 things that pissed me off last week

#5 - The doctor's office visit that Jessica mentioned below.

#4 - The X-Men 3 Trailer premiered online and I cannot for the life of me get it to work on either of my computers!!!

#3 - 7 total hours of open houses last weekend and TWO total people that I saw. Just pitiful. Got some good reading in then.

#2 - The bad play I made in poker on Saturday. If you are not sure what I am talking about, read the post below.

#1 - The Kings look like garbage. They look done. This might just be a lottery team. It is sad to see after a good number of years of being an elite team. The days are gone I am afraid. Maybe it will weed out all the fans who just became fans when they started being good. That is just fine with me. Let's see the Kings became a bad team and see what fans stick around. Only about half I am sure. It will almost be nice. There are too many Kings fans out there right now who only know how to support a winning team. Are you any less excited about a Kings game on tv if they probably aren't going to win and maybe get blown out? Then you are one of the fans I am talking about. See ya around...

Monday, December 05, 2005

C' can't be serious!!!

File this under, "What the hell?!?!?!"

Assault thrown out -- sleep sex blamed

TORONTO, Nov. 30 (UPI) -- A Toronto man has been acquitted of sexual assault charges, as medical officials said he was asleep at the time, with a disorder known as "sexsomnia." Jan Luedecke, 33, met his victim at a party on July 6, 2003, and both had been drinking, the Toronto Sun reported. The woman, who can't be named, fell asleep on a couch and said she awoke to find him having sex with her. She pushed him off, then called the police. Luedecke claimed he fell asleep on the same couch and woke up when he was thrown to the floor. Sleep expert Dr. Colin Shapiro testified Luedecke had sexsomnia, which is sexual behavior during sleep, brought on by alcohol, sleep deprivation and genetics. The judgment outraged women's groups, the newspaper said. "This is infuriating. It's another case of the courts not taking a woman seriously, adding yet another list to the list of excuses which men use for sexual assault," said Suzanne Jay, of the Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centers.

There is a diagnosis for this? My favorite part is where the doctor said one of the things that can bring it on is alcohol. REALLY?!? Alcohol can bring on raping a woman? Never heard of THAT happening! This is just sickening...

Sunday, December 04, 2005

What a doofus!!!

So last night was the regular poker tournament we have at my house every two weeks. We were down to about 6 players when I made the following dumb play. Everyone folded to me so that it was just me and Duncan to follow. I thought I would mix it up and raise him big just to get him out and I would win the blinds. I looked at my cards at an ugly 8-4. I thought, well, this could go two ways, I could get him to fold or he calls my bluff which isn't always a bad thing. I think I have a reputation as being a fairly tight player so getting caught on a big bluff only makes the rest of the players think about my bet the next time. Sure, I lose money on that hand, but think of it as poker equity for later. So I raised about 3 or 4 times the big blind. Duncan thought and thought only to fold. I was about to flip them over to show my bluff only only for someone to yell out, "Wait, there is still someone in the hand!" WHAT?!?!? Then I realized, before it got to me, Joe had put money in the pot. HOW COULD I MISS THAT!?!?!? I would have never tried something like that if someone had put in chips before me. What an IDIOT! So now I am thinking, "FOLD FOLD." If he calls the amount of chips I have in, he clearly has something good. The best I could hope for is to get really lucky on the flop. JUST FOLD!!!! So what does he do? HE RAISES ME AND PUTS THE REST OF HIS CHIPS IN!!! Now I know he has a great hand and I am forced to throw my cards in to the muck. What a waste! At least if he had just called I coul have gotten lucky. No chance though. Be aware of everything that goes on around you at the poker table so this doesn't happen to you. It hurt my stack, but I was able to slightly recover and take 2nd place. Still, what a doofus...

New Feature: Would You Rather...

Ok, so Manuel and I used to have a page-a-day calender called Zobmondo, and every day it would make you decide between 2 equally terrible things. I thought it would be fun to do here. So the rules are this: You MUST choose one of the choices, you CANNOT say neither because, in reality, all of us would choose neither.

Would you rather...

Eat a black widow (poison removed) in lime jello


Eat 100 live ants

My choice: 100 live ants. I think they'd be less crunchy than the black widow.

Friday, December 02, 2005

It's Official - Manuel's Gay!

Manuel and I were playing a board game while watching tonight's horrible King's game. The board game is called Pop Smarts. The point is to find the common link in categories like movies, music, books, TV and pop culture. For example, it was Manuel's turn and he got music. The common link was "pre-pubescent pop stars," so I say to him "Bobby Brown." He didn't get it (if you get it on the first one, you get more points than if it takes all 4 for you to figure out the link.) I say "Donny Osmond." No go. I say "Kriss Kross" and he guesses child singers, which I give him. So if you figure out the link, you get the chance to answer a question for a bonus point. So the question was "which of those sugary-sweet Hanson brothers plays the drums?" He got it right!!

So it's official. Because he knew anything about Hanson, he's gay.

Don't Be Shy...

Last night I had a patient who was 30 weeks pregnant (40 weeks is term) who was having contractions. For those of you who don't know, that's too early to have a baby, so contractions are no good.

So I do my paperwork and assessment and discuss with them what the plan was. The husband asked me why she was having contractions. I tell him there are lots of theories, but nobody knows for sure why contractions start - why some people go into labor on time, some too early, some never. But I tell him that there are some things that are treatable that make women have contractions, like dehydration and urinary tract infections. The following conversation ensues...

Him: So, can, uh, other things start contractions?
Me: Like what?
Him: Well, uh, like, you know, if we, um...
Me: Sex?
Him: Well, uh, yeah.
Me: Don't be shy. We embrace sex here because without it, we'd be out of a job. And hey, we all know what you did to get here, so don't worry about it.

And, the good nurse I am, I proceed to answer his question.

But really, you are a grown man, married with a job, capable of reproducing and preparing to bring a new human being into this world. Act like a man and sack up and just ask your question. Don't beat wround the bush like a shy, bumbling little teenager.

The Favorite Robe

The other night at work I took over the care of a lady who delivered her baby about an hour before. I walk into the room and she's laying there in bed with this short white robe on, only, it's not really on. It's open in the front so her boobs are just hanging out. Now, I deal with the most private of private parts for a living, so boobs are nothing for me, but still, most people don't just let them hang out for anyone and everyone to see. But whatever, it gets weirder...

After talking to the nurse that had the patient that day, she tells me the patient refused to take that robe off. She labored in it, her water broke in it, she delivered in it, so needless to say, it was pretty funky. So I get her up to the bathroom and of course, there's blood and who knows what else all over the back of it. I sit her on the toilet, she goes potty, and as she gets up, she realizes one of the waist ties fell in the toilet when she sat down, so now there's pee and blood all over it. She asked me to cut the dirty part of the tie off. I told her I didn't have scissors and offered to get her a clean gown, which she refused! So I took he to her postpartum room is this dirty ass robe. What else could I do?!

But EWWW!!! What's the attachment to that robe that she'd rather wear it, filthy as it was, over wearing a clean hospital gown? Weird...

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Money-hungry whores!


Background: Manuel went to the doctor to have him check out some ankle pain he was having. He knew he didn't sprain his ankle and was wondering why it was hurting, and the pain was getting worse over a month, so he went in. The doctor had him do some lab tests to check for arthritis and had him do an x-ray. While he was there, his blood pressure was a little elevated, nothing concerning, but higher than it normally is, and he mentioned he thought it was because he had gained some weight. The doctor added a cholesterol to the lab work.

Ok, so we get a call yesterday from the doctor's office saying they want to talk to him about his lab results. I tell him they are going to tell him his cholesterol is high and to not make an appointment for that. Why pay $10 to see the doctor so he can tell you something you already know and tell you how to fix it, which you also already know? I tell him to ask if that's the only abnormal lab result, and if it is, don't make an appointment.

Well, they tell him they like to do things like that face to face, so being the good boy that he is, he makes an appointment.

And what do they tell him? That his cholesterol is high! And how high, you might be wondering? Surely it must be so high that they want to prescribe him a pill to lower it, right? Well, normal cholesterol is below 200. And the "bad" cholesterol, the LDLs, should be below 129. So Manuel's cholesterol is 203 and his LDLs are 131. 3 points and 2 ponts above normal, respectively! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

So he calls me to tell me about his appointment on his way home. He tells me all of the above, which really fires me up, obviously. But then he lets something out that sends me over the edge. He tells me he was looking at the lab results as he walked to the car and noticed the results for the tests for the ankle are high. SO THE LAB RESULTS FOR THE ORIGINAL REASON WE WENT IN WEREN'T DISCUSSED!!!!!!!!!!

By now I'm on fire and you know what I do? I call the doctor's office and give them a piece of my mind. They say they'll relay the message to the doctor and someone will get back to me.

I mean really... To never discuss the skewed lab results pertaining to the original reason we went in, but to tell him his cholesterol is 3 points high? I'd be ok with him making an appointment to discuss the abnormal lab results for the ankle, but that was completely overlooked. Unbelievable...


I guess this is my only getaway at times. Stare at a blank screen and fill it up with nonsense and randomness. I know we have all been posed that simple question in life. For love or money? And there are two answers to that question. But most people would tell you Love. What if you didn't have an answer at all? I pretend it is one or the other depending on the day of the week you ask me the question. I do not have a particular link to either love or money at this point in time. It is 230 in the morning and rather than getting drunk, getting high, or getting some I am in front of a computer screen. The simple follow up to all this would be to ask me if this helps? Does writing cure my disease? Is it the drug I seek to sustain my addiction? I simply say maybe. Cause I don't have love. I don't have money. And I don't have a love for money. Maybe I do have the answer to the key of life. SHOES!!! It is all about the shoes. If you have seen my closet you know what I am talking about. So when the world has got you down just go to the closet and wear a brand new pair of kicks baby! That solves all my problems. Except for one. Why did she make me give up my fairy tale? I haven't found the shoes to cure that cold. Later folks.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005


I have made a discovery of epic proportions ladies and gentlemen. I know the sign that will reveal when I have officially become OLD. It may come sooner rather than later, but when it happens I need everyone to come up to me and call me OLD right on the spot. It is something that may never happen, but I know deep down that someone will discover the gold that is waiting for them. Sooo many songs have been remixed and redone and reprinted to the point that no one even remembers who the original artist who made the song was. There is one song that has not reclaimed it's national accalim and fame because I have yet to hear someone copy the original. So on the day some artist remixes this Grammy-winning record I will know that I am OLD and right. I present to you the song that will do this for me. "Blame it on the rain," by the talented duo of Rob and Fab. I give you MILLI VANILLI. :)

Monday, November 28, 2005

The Five Things That Pissed Me Off Last Week

Complete with an emergency room visit!!!

5. I hate my lawnmower. It never starts when I want it to. Usually takes me about 10 minutes and kills my arms by the time I get it started. I am going to shoot that thing!

4. Last week there were 120 visits to my number of comments left on my blog....EIGHT! What the hell?!?!? I am sorry that it takes SO LONG to leave a one sentence comment. With that many visits, is there really only that much that people have to say? Geez...

3. Orko pukes almost every day. What the hell?!?!

2. We got smashed in Turkey Bowl this year 42-14. In case you don't know what it is, my friends have a team that plays another group of friends in tackle football every Thanksgiving. It is a pretty big deal with shirts, an MVP shirt, and even a trophy. We won the last 2 years, but this year, things did not really work out. I came away from the game with a little road rash from the dry grass, but it wasn't really all that bad at first....or so I thought.

1. Well, the little scrape ended up wose than I thought. I cleaned it out and thought everything was ok, but by Friday night, it started to swell up like a balloon and was hot to the touch. The skin almost all around my leg was rock hard. It just didn't look good. I visited my wife at work and a couple of the other nurses told me I could use a visit to the emergency room. So I went and I was ok with that because by that time, I was in tons of pain. When they finally saw me, about 2:30am, I found out I had a bad infection that was spreading and I needed antibiotics. They ended up giving me a shot in my buttocks and was sent home with more antibiotics and Vicodin. Yeah, it really sucked. From a scrape I've got plenty of other times before in soccer games.

How can you be this dumb?!?!?!?

So, my wife always cuts my hair. She always does a good job and has been doing it for a few years now. Unfortunately, the other day she had a brain fart. She always puts a guard on the razor so it doesn't cut TOO close. Well, this last time, she really messed up. Without thinking, she just started by placing the razor on my head, with NO GUARD!!! The enclosed picture is the monstrosity that was my hair after this screw up.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

What do you think of this?

I've been seeing lots of commercials on TV promoting the Army. In the commercials, they have a kid talking to the camera like it's a parent, and they're saying how they want to go into the military because (fill in the blank here), then the commercial encourages you to make the talk a 2 way street.

Now, this is actually a good commercial. I appreciate the people who do go into the military to help protect me and my rights and freedoms. Without them, who knows where we'd be. But this is the thing that bothers me about these commercials. I've seen 3 different ones so far, and in all of them, the kid is black. What are they trying to say? Are they recruiting blacks specifically, and for what reason? Why not make commercials with all nationalities - blacks, whites, Hispanics, Asians? Does this sit funny with anybody else?

Saturday, November 26, 2005

You can't make this kind of stuff up...

News taken off the internet:

POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. - A man who was struck in the head by a train this weekend was also hit in the head by a New York City subway car three years ago, officials said Monday.

Parker T. Hall Houghtaling, of Stanfordville, 23, was hit in the head Nov. 18 by a Metro-North train as it pulled into the Poughkeepsie station. He was listed in stable condition Monday.
In 2002, Houghtaling was waiting at a subway station in Manhattan when he stuck his head out and was hit by a subway car. He was hospitalized with a shoulder injury, nose fractures and bruises, according to the Metropolitan Transit Authority.
It was unclear Monday what led to either incident.

OK, so, I don't even think this guy has an excuse for getting hit ONCE by a subway train. You don't stick your head out over the tracks as it is coming. I mean, that may just sound like friggin' common sense, but apparently, he didn't realize that. However, this jackass was so dumb that it happened to him again. I really have no words for this. There is nothing that can be said that can make this make sense. Unless there is some spirit that likes to push his head into oncoming trains, this guy deserves everything coming to him. In fact, I hope he gets hit a third time. We don't need people like this procreating.

R.I.P. Pat Morita 1932-2005

Wow, another death in the entertainment world that hits me hard. In fact, this one hurts even more. I mean, it's Mr. Miyagi for Christ's sake! And for some of you, he's always going to be Arnold from Happy Days. This guy just seemed to be so genuinely good, you wished he was your grandpa or someone else close like that. Maybe this one hurts so much because in the movies, he almost did remind me of my own grandpa. Same mannerisms and goofy humor. It's just a really sad time. I might have to watch my Karate Kid DVDs this week. I learned that Morita had spinal tuberculosis as a child and spent most of his life up until age 11 living in hospitals. Once he was finally better, and ready to live at home, he had to face more reality. He and his family were sent to a Japanese internment camp as it was WWII. He definitely overcame a lot to get where he ended up. So long Miyagi-san.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The 5 Things that pissed me off last week...

Wasn't too pissed off last week...

5. Orko keeps pooping in his crate when we leave him alone. He WON'T go outside when we tell him to, but once we put him in his crate and we leave...dookie time. Dumb dog.

4. Kings couldn't hold on to the lead against the Sonics. Yes, they lost Peja basically, but they should have held on.

3. Still not much going on in the real estate field. I have ton of leads and people I am working with, but need something to actually go through.

2. Made a dumb call in my poker game last weekend. It was down to just me and Joe in a nine player tournament. He went all in and I thought he was actually bluffing from fatigue. I had bottom pair, a flush draw, and an open ended straight draw. I called. Turns out, he already had the straight and he took a commanding lead. A couple of hands later, I was out when my ace/queen ran in to his ace/king. Good night. Won some money, but I wanted the $140 first prize.

1. I am not going to go to much in to this one since this will have a post all on its own, but let's just say, while my wife was giving me a haircut, there was a mishap. Pictures to come soon...

Holy Schnike!!!

Yes, I ate paint chips as a kid...

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Chris Klein is a catch women!

Chris Klein, best known for the American Pie movies (somehow he was to good for the 3rd one), is a complete jackass. I am not sure how he thinks he will ever get another date again, but he made some pretty interesting comments in the latest Elle magazine. These quotes courtesy of You have to read these...

“I don’t need food to impress, man,” boasts the cocky “American Pie” C-lister. “It’s a flash of a smile and a nice conversation. And at the end of the day, she’s cooking the food.”
Chris, 26, a self-described “alpha heterosexual” who only dates “8 to 10’s,” also reveals how displeased he is if a woman he’s seeing gains a few pounds.
“I’m not tolerant of that at all,” declares the actor, who says he has no problem telling his swollen squeeze to shape up.
“When a woman isn’t feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she’ll ask you if you like her body,” he pontificates. “You have to say no.”
Klein then rejects the interviewer’s suggestion that “they’re just looking for you to say, ‘You look beautiful to me, honey.’” “If they do, it’s placating,” he scoffs. “I don’t placate.”
A few other gentlemanly gems from the chat include Chris describing wooing a woman as a “predator-prey situation” and admitting he stays “very closed off until a woman deserves to know me completely.”
Asked if this approach makes it tough for potential partners to unravel the enigma that is Chris Klein, he sneers, “Hey, man, I’m not here to hold hands and babysit. She’s got to come to the table with something.”

WOW! Unreal isn't it? Almost makes Katie Holmes leaving him and going on to Tom Cruise look like a good thing. I would love to see a non-celeb get away with dumb comments like this.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


The 5 Things that pissed me off last week

#5 - Someone threw tons of tomatoes in our backyard! Now I have to clean them all up. What idiot just randomly throws a bunch of tomatoes in someone's backyard. IDIOT!

#4 - Went to Applebees before the King's game last Tuesday and I think I had the worst burger I have ever had. Plus, the service was pretty crappy. IDIOT!!

#3 - Kings suck. They are playing like crap! IDIOTS!!!

#2 - Last week at work, I got a floor call. The guy was all excited because some property he has wanted forever just came on the market and he wanted it for his tax business. He said that he couldn't go see it until Monday though. I hate to put it off until then, but you do what you have to do. Yesterday morning as I am getting ready to go meet him, he calls and says nevermind and that he doesn't want it after all. IDIOT!!!!

#1 - The death of Eddie Guerrero. I am not mad at him of course and I am more sad than mad, but it is still the event that affected me the most last week. The tribute show last night was just heart wrenching, but a very nice tribute. "LATINO HEAT!"

Monday, November 14, 2005

R.I.P.- Eddie Guerrero 1967-2005

It is a sad day in the world of wrestling entertainment. This guy was easily one of my favorites for his charisma and skill in the ring. Eddie didn't just entertain, he had actual physical wrestling skills. He was just a joy to watch and I am going to miss not seeing him in the squared circle anymore. I don't know what it is, but this really hurts.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Colin kisses dudes

You know, when guys kiss, whether it be by custom or whatever, I think it is usually the whole cheek- kiss thing. When it is huge smooches like this, I think it can get a little weird. I think a kiss on the lips betwene men should be reserved for a) gay men or b) a mafia member. Now, I am not homophobic or anything, but Colin looks way to cozy with this other guy. Maye it is Colin's hand holding the other man's head. Is he gay? I am sure not. It is Colin Farrell though so he could also be drunk. Actually, since it is him it is a strong possiblity. Or, you know what, he could be that secure in his masculinity that he doesn't mind kisses like this with men. Me personally, I could never do it. Does that make me more of a man or less of one. Thought to ponder.

I actually know who the other guy is. I will give the much coveted NO-PRIZE to whoever can tell me first who this is. I await your answers.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

File this under STUPID

You know, Hollywood is just running out of ideas. Sequals, I don't mind as I might to want to watch a further adventure of a character. However, remakes are something that I am not always a fan of. If you are going to remake something, at least do it WAY after the first movie came out... say 30 years or so. Now, two movies that are less than 20 years old are in talks to be remade. Two CLASSICS!

Can someone explain to me why you would want to remake these great movies? Ok, maybe in another 20 years, but now? They were perfect. Why change them? What, are you going to make it for a younger crowd and put Paul Walker in the jungle? Put Ashton Kutcher in the Robocop costume? Why, Why, Why?

However, in other news, there are talks of a Terminator tv show coming out. Now, before you ask why, it won't really be about the Terminator. The show is slated to be called the Sarah Conner Chronicles. This show is supposed to follow her life in between the 2nd and 3rd films. I actually think this sounds pretty interesting. Since there were no Terminator attacks in this time frame, it will be more of her vigilante life rather that some scifi show. I'll watch it just out of curiosity.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The five things that pissed me off LAST week

A little delayed, but you still get the basic idea. This is is everything from last week up until Sunday night. So all this week ddoesn't count yet.

#5 - Still not enough comments from friends on here. What is wrong with you bums?!?!?!

#4 - Francisco Garcia and Kevin Martin - Garbage players.

#3 - Peja - Where is your heart you bum?!?!?

#2 - Sacramento Kings in general. Is there any passion left in this team.? Any heart? Any desire?

#1 - Oh, this is a good one. On Sunday at my open house, another agent from a different company came to look at my open house. She went upstairs. Another person came in. We chit-chatted. We talked a bit about Davis because she lived there and I went to college there. She told me she had tons in equity and was ready to move in to town. Awesome! She went to look upstairs. I went up one minute later. What did I see? The agent who came in was talking to her, giving the woman her business card, and was heard saying that they could leave now to go look at properties. So with my mouth wide open, they left, got in the agent's car, and took off to look at houses. She picked up a client at MY OPEN HOUSE. The balls of this woman. That BITCH!! I was so pissed. I just can't believe that there are people out there that are that shady. May she burn in hell.....

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Yes ladies an gentleman I have made a wonderful discovery. You have seen them walking around town. Business men and teenagers alike. They have come in polos and button down dress shirts. Pink is cool for men to wear. Frankly, for some men to wear but that is neither here nor there. Or anywhere for that matter. I simply pay homage to the man who was the first to do it up big and make pink COOL. He is the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Bret "The Hitman" Hart invented men wearing pink and I just wish to educate the uninformed. Thank you and Good night. Always remember. Risk is Good. By the way Manuel, yes I already got the Jake "The Snake" Roberts DVD and I will be getting the Bret Hart DVD. You can borrow them anytime.

And you're reproducing?

I had this patient who was going to go home, be we needed an ultrasound first. The ultrasound department was really busy and the patient ended up waiting about 3 hours. Naturally, she got hungry and asked for something to eat. I got her a sandwich, then went back to the front. I'm sitting there charting when the father of the baby comes up to me and we have the following conversation:

"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"You know the little red cherry tomato that came with the sandwich?"
"Well, it fell on the floor and I picked it up and she ate it. Is that ok?"
Pause... "Um, yeah. There's a lot that happens in those rooms though and the floors get kinda messy sometimes. We clean them, but still, I wouldn't make a habit of eating things that have fallen on the floor."

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but is that not a conversation you would have with a 4 year old?!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


So my five minute unloading will go like this..... I don't have compaints or things that piss me off. I don't have any lists to share or people to back or embarrassing humans to make fun of. I will abuse the english language and every grammar rule ever made, but in the end you will get the point. Maybe.

I am discovering more and more nowadays that I discover more things about myself and other people the more I get to know them. I think that through my subdued silence and emotional disconnect I have attained a certain expertise in what actual real emotion is. What motivates us all as people. What may follow are simply just questions that you can consider or ponder or throw out your mind just as soon as you read it. I guess I simply don't care if anyone gets it or cares or takes away anything from it, but through some prodding I have been pushed into doing what is the only thing that seems to come completely naturally to me. And no it's not scowling and being an asshole you jerks so stop pushing your buzzer cause Alex is not going to ask for your response.

Why do people LIE? It seems that I get such a response from genuine honesty that it boggles my mind that one would come to think a lie is a better option. People can come up with different reasons as to why they lie, but in the end it is all very simple. Fear. Of any number of things. Mostly of people really knowing who you are as person. When one lies they can misdirect others around them as to who they are and what they stand for. When one stands by the truth they are exposing themself to the onlooking eyes of the masses. Rare is the person that can stand on a stage and say, "JUDGE ME, cause I can take it."

Clarity is striking at times for it can come in the darkness of the late night hours. Clarity can also arise when surrounded by an entire room of family and friends. I can only challenege everyone. The next time you are faced with the option, what will you choose? Cause there is ALWAYS an option. The Truth is always out there, but can you handle the truth?

P.S. I know I ripped off the last sentence. DEAL with it! Peace.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Snipers Wanted

Who is this idiot you may ask? Well, yesterday in a game between the Packers and Bengals, this idoit ran on to the field and took the ball from Brett Favre during the middle of a play. Funny huh? Yeah, not really. One of these days, someone is going to be crazy enough to actually run on to the field and kill a player. Not sure what sport it will be in, but it will happen. It was only a couple of years ago in a MLB game that a dad and son ran on to the field and started to beat up a poor old third base coach. This guy actually got pretty hurt before the rest of the team was able to step in and make the save. So when will it stop? How are we going to prevent a player from being killed on the field by a crazed fan. Simple: snipers at every game. It is quite simple. You let the fans know that there is in fact a sniper at the stadium. You run on to the field and run towards a player, you will be shot down. Think fans will run on to the field anymore? Yeah, probably not. Will anyone run on to field ever again with this knowledge in their back of the head? Not unless they want anything else going through their head...and out the other end. Extreme? Sure. But I don't want to have to watch a player be killed on national tv. Think of it as a preventative measure.

The Five Things That Pissed Me Off Last Week

Here we go again....

#5 - Only got to see SAW II once this week. It is SO good. Maybe better than the original. Go see this movie.

#4 - The lack of comments on my blog. Only relatives have been leaving comments. I KNOW that many of my friends read my blog, many on a daily basis. So either my blog is of no interest to them (but they are reading it) or are just too lazy to write an opinion that will take a few seconds. What gives my homies?!?

#3 - The Kings' season starts tomorrow and they still do not look very good. I sure hope I am proven wrong, but they do not look very good this year. Maybe 45 wins? I don't know...a little scary and it COULD be a long season. Again, I would love to be wrong.

#2 - Not much luck this week in the local real estate market. I am working with a few people in town, but I basically didn't hear from them all week. I hope something works out. Open houses were also really dead this weekend. Not very productive, but I did pick up 2 out of town referrals. Thank you so much Kelly!

#1 - I was told to download something for work - a program we use to fill out contracts on our computer. I did that, but now, not only does it not work, some other programs on my computer do not work. What the hell?!?! Need to call tech support because even the SUPER SAVY computer guy at my office can't figure it out. Weird...

That's it. Don't piss me off this week...

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Celeb wonderings....

So, this is Nicole Ritchie to my left. Did I miss the memo that says that it is cool to wear THE BIGGEST sunglasses possible. I mean, those things are hideous. When I was younger, people would get made fun of for having glasses like that. What the hell. And a few cheeseburgers for me will ya?!?!?

In Touch Magazine - no I don't read this, I got this off the web - has come up with the top ten cleavages in Hollywood. Can you say slow news day? Did someone actually ponder over the pictures? Was there a points system? Did you lose points if they weren't real? How does one go about deciding this let alone even come up with this? Well, since they came up with the list, I shall at least post it:

1. Jessica Simpson2. Salma Hayek3. Carmen Electra4. Angelina Jolie5. Halle Berry6. Jennifer Love Hewitt7. Scarlett Johansson8. Mariah Carey9. Susan Sarandon10. Nicollette Sheridan

Eh.....the only list I want to see Jessica Simpson on is a missing person's list. GO AWAY you dumb bitch!!!! There, I said it.....sorry if I offended you.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

SEE...there is a demand for the man!!!

Ok, one sequel, one might wonder why they are doing it. But two sequels, there has to be a demand for the guy. This has been talked about for a while, but it looks like it might happen. Apparently, the script for RAMBO IV is nearing completion and a target date of April is being looked at to start filming. This is great news. I might get a new Rocky AND Rambo movie?!?! Awesome! Apparently, someone out there feels that Stallone is worth spending his money on. Let's hope this works out. I am willing to spend my money on this.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Hate Continues

Back in January I think (check out the archives to be sure), I wrote an article wondering why people hate Stallone so much. I reviewed some of his best movies and tried to defend my man. Well, the hate has come back as the news that Rocky 6 will be made soon. Evereywhere I go, people are making fun of this guy. Why? Sure, he has made SOME bad movies. Others have been really good and you should go back and read the Stallone post to know which are my favorites. But the news of Rocky 6 has brought nothing but laughter. Give the guy a break. He hasn't had a hit in a while, so why not take a risk on making a sequal to this great series. I know my butt will be in the theater seats when this comes out. Even if the reveiws are bad, I'll go see it. Why? This guy has entertained me. He deserves me giving his movie a good ol' try. Good luck Rocky.

Monday, October 24, 2005

The Five Things That Pissed Me Off Last Week

Yeah, got some good ones this week. Might as well get this started....

5. Drank expired milk. Man it tasted bad. Spit it out, but not after swallowing some. Gave me the heeby jeebies.

4. Found out that even though we have been paying for an alarm system, it was accidently turned off by the phone gy almost a year ago. A year of paying for absolutely nothing. Yeah, money well spent.

3. Had three hours of floor time in the office Saturday and then an open house for three hours right after and talked to ONE person. In six hours. Yeah, time well spent.

Here is where it all goes to hell......

2. In July, when I first started working, I was working with a (former) friend because she wanted to find a first house for her and her boyfriend. I sent them listings and we kept in touch a few weeks. Mid-July, she called me and said that prices were a tad high right now, and they decided to wait a year and just save. I don't know what gave me this hunch, but I did a search of records last week for her name. What do ya know! She bought a house in the beginning of August after going in to escrow in Mid-JULY. Wow! So I guess that what she did is lie to me. I would love to know what happened to make her feel she had to lie to me and not let me know. Man I was furious when I found this out. I emailed her congrats on her house. She was probably shocked I found out. It has been about 5 days since I sent that so I don't expect an email back. Thanks Ms. G.P. Nice knowing ya....

I clearly thought that was going to be #1 without a doubt until.........

#1 This happened just a couple of hours ago, so I will include it in this list since it did happen before the list came out. On Friday, I actually took a guy out to show properties. He loved one. He said, "Let's make this happen." He didn't have a preapproval loan letter yet so we had to wait until Monday (today) morning. It killed me to wait, but we had to. But finally, I was going to write an offer on property. Finally, my work was going to pay off. I would be doing something worthwhile. Yeah right.... He called me today and said he wasn't ready yet. He felt it wasn't a good time after all and we will see in the future. Hopes crushed instantly. No matter how used to disappointment I am getting, this one really hurts. Why does this keep happening?

Sunday, October 23, 2005

The vulgarity, part 2

Maybe "vulgarity" is not the right word for it, but it is easier than "I can't believe the what comes out of the mouths of some people."

The other day a lady had a baby, and her mother was in the room with her. After the baby was cleaned up and given back to the mom, the patient's mom says, "You gotta give that baby some titty."

And here I was, this whole time, thinking it was called breastfeeding...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

What did you call me?

Last night I had a patient who delivered naturally, no pain medication except IV, and even that doesn't work so well after a certain point. After all deliveries, we rub on the mom's tummy (fundal massage), feeling for the uterus to make sure it is hard and contracted, ensuring the mom doesn't bleed to death. We have to press fairly hard to express any clots that may be inside, and we have to do this every 15 minutes for an hour after delivery, per hospital protocol. It hurts the vast majority of patients, especially those who aren't numb from an epidural, but it's just something that needs to be done and the average patient copes with it because it lasts all of 5 or 10 seconds..

But not my patient...

I'm rubbing on her tummy and she says the following:

Damn, bitch, that hurts.

Excuse me?!?!

So I say the following to her:

I know it hurts and I'm sorry, but I HAVE to do this because if I don't, you could literally bleed to death in 5 minutes. If you want to do that, it's ok by me, but there is too much paperwork involved and I don't really feel like doing it.

It made her shut up.

Lightning sucks yo!!!

My friend's house in Oklahoma was struck by lightning. When lightning is mad, it sure can cause some destruction. Just check out the pictures of the devastation. I put little yellow arrows in for you in case you can't see the destruction.

It's crazy just seeing drywall blown away like that. Luckily, her and her husband weren't anywhere near these rooms when it happened or who knows what could have occurred. Even worse, the house had only been built about a month when this happened. Yuck!!

Friday, October 21, 2005


I am starting to get SPAM in my comments section advertising this and that. Has it come to that? Putting SPAM on people's personal blogs? AHHHHHHH!!!!!

Posting a comment is easy...

OK, I know there are plenty of people who are reading this blog. However, almost NOBODY is leaving comments. There is no registering required. Here is a step by step so that hopefully some people will start posting on here so I know people actually enjoy what is being read here.

1.Read the article

2.At the end of the post, click on the underlined part that says, "0 comments" or "1 comment" or whatever.

3.This will take you to a page where you can type in a box. Type your comment there.

4.Click on the button that says anonymous right under the box.

5.Click on the button that says login and publish and ignore that it says login as you are doing it anonymously.

That's it. You are done. Takes a few seconds and it lets me know this is being read and enjoyed. Of course if you ever want to write a post, you have to ask me how to do that first.

Rich....where are your posts? You did like 2 and then that is it. Holla at us boy!

How am I supposed to help you?!

Toward the end of my shift today, the telephone rings. The clerks are changing shift and I'm not doing anything important, so I answer it. Here is the conversation:
Me: Labor and delivery. This is Jessica.
Caller: Russian?
Me: No, sorry. Do you speak any English?
Caller: No English. Blah blah blah russian russian russian baby blah blah blah.
Me: Is there anybody there who speaks English? I don't understand what you're saying.
Caller: Blah blah blah russian russian russian baby blah blah blah.
Me: Your wife is going to have a baby?
Caller: Baby. Da.
Me: OK, come into the hospital.
Caller: silence
Me: Come into the hospital if your wife is going to have a baby.
Caller: Baby. Da.

It was back and forth like this for, like, 5 minutes. I kept telling him I didn't understand. He obviously didn't understand me. Finally, and I felt terrible about this, but I hung up on him. Of course I told him I was going to hang up on him because I didn't know how to help him, but he didn't understand that either. But really, what else was I supposed to do?

So my question is, why did he bother to call is he didn't speak English? Maybe he was hoping someone there spoke Russian, but when it became obvious nobody did, whouldn't you just give up and come in? Or how about calling a friend who speaks English and have them call us? What on Earth could I have possibly done for this man? It was so weird...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Kevin Martin

The 5 things that Kevin Martin of the Kings seems to have improved on from last season...






'Nuff Said...

My Microwave Damnit!!!

A headline in the paper today caught my eye. At some Walgreens, not in town, two coworkers got in an arguement over who got to use the microwave in the staff lounge to heat their food first. So, like any of us would do, one of the coworkers stabbed the other worker with a knife. Over heating food!!! A KNIFE!!! No, the person didn't die, but charges will of course be filed. Next time you use the work microwave before someone else, be sure to watch your back.

Monday, October 17, 2005

New weekly column - 5 things that pissed me off last week!

Yes, because I am always pissed about something, I am going to start a new weekly column - the 5 things that pissed me off the previous week. Here we go in reverse order...

5. The Kings defense so far through three games. Ok, it is preseason, but it doesn't look like anything is going to change. Either we change it, or we are going to have to rely on outscoring teams.

4. The wife and I finished a puzzle and it was missing a piece! One whole piece!! All that work on a 1500 piece puzzle for that? DAMNIT!!

3. We got a second dog and to go get him, we had to drive all these winding roads. On the way back, I didn't want to make the little guy fly all over the car so I drove a little slower. One guy was driving behind me, but not on my butt ny any means so I figured I was ok. However, when we made the turnoff we needed to, the ass honked at me. AT ME!!! Sorry that I wasn't driving crazy down a curvy dirt road. Jackass....

2. Last Monday's weekly new agent beating(meeting). Not a very positive occassion.

1. A lead that I felt really good about fell through. I believe I already typed about this. I had been talking to this guy about helping him sell his house and maybe 1 of his 3 duplexes. He told me this week that he decided to refinance instead. ERRRRRR. I do have some more solid leads that I picked up this weekend so wish me luck there because I am all pissed off.

Want to share what pisses you off. Join the site!! Just ask me how and you too can vent.

Saturday, October 15, 2005


We got tickets to see the premiere of Domino Thursday night. The movie started at 730 and the ticket said to get there early, as admission is not guaranteed because they overbook to ensure a full house. We got there about 615, stood in line for 30 minutes and were let into the theater about 645. Ok, here's where I spout off about the beefs I have...

1) First, the movie. It was good. Very much a film Manuel and I would see. Lots of action, shot in a different style, guns, sex, drugs, good story. Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green from 90210 do a good job and are very funny. The Jerry Springer scene is hysterical. We liked it. I'm not sure how the Bee movie reviewer lady gave it 1 star. I was wondering if we were watching the same movie...

2) Now, I don't bat for this team, but my god Keira Knightly was hot. And just so you don't think I'm switching sides, Edgar Ramirez, the guy who plays Choco, HOT HOT HOT! Smokin'! Whew...

3) It pisses me off that the lady sitting next to Manuel complained the whole time about everything. She was pissed off because she was one of the last people to be seated and complained about her seat (which wasn't so bad because she was sitting next to us and we sat where we sat voluntarily). She complained that the theater wasn't big enough, that they should have shown the movie in a bigger theater to fit more people. She talked on her cell phone to a friend of hers who didn't make it in and told her to ask if she could exchange the premiere ticket for tickets to see the movie the next day, and was surprised when her friend called back to tell her they wouldn't do it.
Here's why this lady is a stupid whore (a little harsh, admitted, but I love calling people stupid whores when it's deserved). The ticket to the premiere explicitly says to get there early because seating is not guaranteed. What don't you understand about that? You have nobody to blame but yourself that you didn't like your seat - you should have got there earlier and you would have had your pick of the theater. It just amazes me the gall of people - you're getting something for free and you complain about it?!

Kings are back in action


Not really sure what to say about the Kings chances this year. They have played 2 preseason games so far and I am not that impressed. I think it is just hard for me to get myself out of the mindset of them being championship contenders. That is in the past now, but it is hard to break the idea of them as a top notch team. Now don't get me wrong, they do have some talent. From one through eight, they have a very solid lineup. If the starting five starts to click and Shareef and Bonzi play up to expectation, who knows how far they can go. But that is the best case scenario. The key word is "IF" they click. There is no saying they will and that is what scares me. Still, if they click offensively, the defense STILL sucks. That is very evident after just two preseason games. It will be an interesting season. I would love to come back and read this in June and say to myself, "I never should have doubted them." I would love to be wrong. But we'll see.

Through two games, I HATE our draft pick Francisco Garcia. He's horrible. Ok, he scored 13 points last night, but he just doesn't seem to fit. He's a gunner, pure and simple so far and doesn't play in to the offense at all. He forces way too many shots that he shouldn't even begin to think of taking. Hey Fransisco, you are NOT the world's best three point specialist. Give it up man. Again, I would love to be proved wrong, but man does he rub me the wrong way so far.

The new Gold Kings Jerseys stink. They suck ass! They look like (insert the ugliest thing you have ever seen here. ) How they are going to last the 14 games with them on before the fans start rioting is beyond me. I say burn them all and try something new. Anything......please!!!

Friday, October 14, 2005


I went to this site because it gives you a poker nickename:

After a couple of minutes of slow loading and answering about 10 questions, it said my nickname should be, Manuel, The Rampant Jalapeno! I love it!!!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I'm a superhero!!!

Your Superhero Profile
Your Superhero Name is The Ultra ChimpYour Superpower is TelepathyYour Weakness is 80s MusicYour Weapon is Your Dark BlowgunYour Mode of Transportation is Submarine


It happened again today! I had another lead I felt postive about and now it is kicked to the curb. A couple of weeks ago, I met a guy while I was out walking my farm area. He said he was looking to sell and wanted some information. He also said the next week I talked to him that he might also sell one of his THREE DUPLEXES. He asked for some information on property he might want to buy and I provided it to him. Today I went back just to check in and see if he had decided anything. Well, he decided something alright. He decided to just stay in the house and refinance it! WHAT?!?! After all the lines you gave me for three weeks about selling and you pull the rug out like that. Now, I know that is his perogative, but it just seems like once again, something fell through for me AGAIN!. When is one of these damn leads going to pan out? ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHH!!!!

In other news, you have to check out this video clip of an acappella group. HILARIOUS!!!!

Hope you like it.

Monday, October 10, 2005

I'm a loser

Yes, again it has been a while since I have posted. I am as good with posting here as I am with returning emails, but I am trying to get better with both. Lot to catch up on again!

Still doing the real estate thing. I LOVE my job! Unfortunately, I am about as successful right now as I was last time I posted. I had my referral close escrow which was nice. It wasn't a huge check, but at least it was some money. I currently have a second referral out there right now so hopefully that will work out too as well. However, as far as things go here in town with sales, not much is happening. I have a few things here and there, but nothing immediate. I am in talks with 2 or 3 people who are interested in buying, and I have 1 person that I am actually working on to list his house with. That might be exciting because he also owns 3 duplexes and might sell more than just his house. Wait a second, I also have one more seller I am keeping my fingers crossed on. However, they aren't selling till Spring so it will be awhile. What pisses me off is that me and the other new agents are really starting to feel the pressure from our Career Development Manager. Her and the manager keep saying you have to do this, this, and this, and for the huge part, we ARE doing all of the things they say. I know I am at least. I am doing Open Houses, calling people in my Sphere of Influence, walking my Farm Area and meeting people. Unfortunately, things are just not panning out. I have had great leads that have just unfortunately gone away. For example, I did an open house and had a guy who was REALLY interested. It wasn't going to work out, but I talked with the selling agent a bit so that he could get what he wanted. He wanted to look at it one more time before he decided. Unfortunately, before he could do that, he happened upon a condo he liked better. He bought it on the spot. If he hadn't seen it, he probably would have bought the house from me, I'd have money, and I bet work would be off my back despite the fact it is only ONE sale. But what can I do? If just a quarter of the things I have come across would have panned out, they would be kissing my feet. Unfortunately, things have been unlucky. I am not trying to do a woe is me thing, but this luck of dead deals has to end eventually. I am very frustrated, but trying to stay positive.

Still playing poker of course. Love every second of it. Still in first place in my biweekly tournaments which is good because I think it is good competition. All of the points are being totaled for an end of the year tourney. It has added some extra fun to the games.

Other than that, not much is going on. We are getting a new dog on Sunday which is exciting. His name will be Orko, and we HOPE that Leia will not get too jealous. I'll keep you updated. If you'r reading this, go ahead and leave a comment so I know I didn't just write all this for not.


If I have any typos, screw it, this is too long to go back and edit!

Monday, October 03, 2005

This is so cool.

Poker Championship

I have registered to play in the
Online Poker Blogger Championship!

This event is powered by PokerStars.

Registration code: 2439512

Another big update is coming soon. Lots more to say!!!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

The vulgarity!

When a woman is about to have a baby, I'm told it feels like she has to take the biggest poop of her life. That being said, that's what I tell my patients to look for, so we know when it's time to start pushing. Now, it could be in the way I was raised, or maybe it's that I have a little more couth than my average patient, but I cannot tell you the number of times a patient has said to me, "I have to shit." Umm, ok. I think I personally would have used a different word under the circumstances, but ok, I get your point. The other day my patient said, "My ass hurts." I'm thinking she's sore from being in bed too long, so I say that. She says, "No, it hurts where you shit from." Ok, again, I get what you're telling me, but is it too much to expect people to be a little less graphic? I mean, by no means am I a prude with language - I can drop f-bombs with the best of them - but in a medical setting, I would just think people would be a little less graphic. It makes me laugh...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Are my standards too high?

The scenario I'm about to relate happens quite frequently at work, and it shocks/stuns/amazes the hell out of me each time it happens.

When a woman comes in to be checked, we put her information into the computer so everything can be archived on the hard drive. Part of that information is her name, obviously. I'll take a patient into the room, have her go into the bathroom to change, and while she's doing that, I ask her support person, usually the father of the baby, all of the information I need. Quite frequently, when I ask him how to spell her last name, he'll say, "I don't know." You don't know? You're having a child with this woman and you don't know how to spell her last name?! I realize that it's not necessary to know a person THAT well to do what it takes to make a baby, but really, over the course of the 9 months it's growing inside her body, don't you think that might be an important thing to learn? And the first baby, sure, same thing. But the third?! You have 3 kids with this woman and you STILL don't know how to spell her last name?!

So again I ask, is that too much to expect? Are my standards too high?

Saturday, July 30, 2005


There is a doctor at work who NOBODY likes because it seems he goes out of his way to treat the nurses like crap. I had a run-in with him when I first started that scarred me for a long time when it came to prepping the abdomen before a cesarean section. I've since gotten over it, but that is neither here nor there because this story is not about me. This story is about something that happened at work tonight involving this doctor that absolutely appalled me...

Now, I realize that in telling this story there may be some terminology that some of you may not know, but it is necessary in getting the point across, so I will do my best to explain anything that may not be clear...

A nurse at work, let's call her C, comes in EARLY because day shift is swamped and they need help. She gets this patient who is a Russian having her 3rd baby. Now, normally race is unimportant in any story, but when it comes to having babies, it is important to point out that Russians, as so eloquently put by Larry the Cable Guy, "get 'er done." They don't fool around - they come in and pop those kids out, and the more they've had, the faster it goes. No joke. So the asshole doctor, let's call him K, gives C orders to start Pitocin, a drug that makes contractions come faster and stronger. ASSHOLE POINT #1: This patient was in good labor on her own. K wanted to go home so he ordered the Pitocin so the baby would come faster and he could go home sooner.

So C starts the Pitocin and increases it by 2 every 20 minutes, just like K ordered. (Nursing background: When docs order Pitocin, they order it to be increased by 2 every 20 to 30 minutes. We ALWAYS increase it every 30 minutes just because it is nicer on the charting.) At one point in the night, C goes to tell K something, what it was is irrelevant, and K cuts her off to ask what the Pitocin is at. She tells him and he pauses to figure out if the level she told him was right with increasing it by 2 every 20 minutes, given the time it was started. ASSHOLE POINT #2: You are checking up on the nurse?! If you don't trust her to carry out your orders and provide good care to your patient, do it your damn self!

So things are progressing with the patient and she is getting increasingly uncomfortable. The IV medicine has not helped and the patient is requesting an epidural. C checks the patient and she is 7cm (Nursing background: Babies come at 10cm. Also, remember how I said Russians "get 'er done"? Well, after 7cm, by the time you have to do everything you have to do to get the epidural, it's not worth it because they'll probably be 10cm and just push the baby out anyway.) But C, being the patient advocate that nurses are, starts doing everything that has to be done before you can have an epidural, which, by the way, was written in the orders that the patient could have. When everything is ready, C checks the patient again and she is 8 to 9 cm. C calls the anesthesiologist to tell him everything is ready, and after him giving her some grief (She'll have the baby soon, why bother? This REALLY pisses me off because you know that if it were him laying there having the baby, the fool would want pain relief regardless of dilation. By him saying that, he's essentially saying that it's not worth his time and to let the patient suffer, which deserves an asshole point as well, but we're focusing on K's, not his.) So he comes to the room and is doing the epidural when K walks in. K says - and I was in the room so all of this is first hand - "What's going on here?" "She's getting an epidural." "What's she dilated to?" "8 to 9." "Stop. Stop the epidural. She's going to deliver soon. She doesn't need it." The anesthesiologist looks at K and says, "You want me to stop?" "Yes." At this point the patient is in tears and is begging, literally begging, for the epidural. The look of horror on her face was the most gut-wrenching thing I have ever seen, to be so close to pain relief, only to have it taken away. I felt for her right then, I really did, which brings me to ASSHOLE POINT #3: That's WRONG. It would have taken 2 more minutes for the epidural to be placed. The patient would have been comfortable, even if it was for only 30 minutes before the baby came. That's still 30 minutes she's not in pain. But because he's an asshole, he didn't let her have the epidural because it might have prolonged the baby coming (she wouldn't have had the urge to push) and he wanted to get home as soon as possible.

After the epidural is stopped, K asks what the Pitocin is at. C says 12. K gets all angry, saying, "Why is it only at 12? An hour and a half ago it was at 10. It should be higher than 12." (Nursing background: Pitocin is pretty powerful stuff. You turn it up until contractions are adequate - they feel firm to the touch and are every 2 minutes. If you keep turning it up, it makes the contractions come too close together, not giving the uterus time to rest between, and there is a risk of rupturing the uterus. That is a MAJOR emergency. So you stop turning it up when you reach adequate labor, you DO NOT keep going.) ASSHOLE POINT #4: You are a freaking doctor, you know everything I just said. The number on the Pitocin does not equal adequate labor. The patient is 8 to 9 cm, obviously it is doing a good job at the level it's at. You DO NOT risk rupturing a uterus because you want to go home.

So K leaves the patient's room and goes to the nursing area and is ranting and raving and carrying on about how C should have known better and this and that and the nurse in charge (Darn, her name starts with a K too, so let's call her CN for charge nurse, who, mind you, was in the room also during the whole epidural thing), tells him to leave it alone, to which he tells her that she is supposed to have control of the until and is not doing a good job, to which she says that she cannot be in every patient room and that C is a good nurse and did nothing wrong. ASSHOLE POINT #5: You don't yell at the charge nurse because you are mean and impatient and want to go home. CN is a great charge nurse and she absolutely had control of the unit and indeed C did nothing wrong - the epidural was ordered and nowhere on the orders did it say the patient could not have an epidural past x centimeters. You don't yell at people because things are not going your way.

So the patient doesn't get the epidural, and she is crying and screaming with every contraction. Her husband is pissed, and rightfully so. Her sister is walking the halls crying because her sister is in tremendous pain. K says to the patient, after he makes them stop the epidural, "the baby will be here in 30 minutes at the most." Well, an hour later, still no baby, even after pushing for 45 minutes. The patient is in so much pain, she is out of control and cannot push. The patient is screaming, "Christ, please help me." You know what happens? They do a cesarean section. ASSHOLE POINT #6: If you had let the patient have the epidural, granted, it may have prolonged the labor a little, but she would have had adequate pain relief and been in control enough to push the baby out, but no, you had to get home as soon as possible and you made a decision that cost the patient major surgery and a much longer, more painful and difficult recovery. Good job.

A long story, I know, and if you have made it this far, I thank you. And if you or anybody you know in the Sacramento area is pregnant, drop me a line. I'll tell you K's name so you don't have to be subject to his abuse.