Sunday, February 21, 2010

Waiting Game

It has been a rough couple of days. As you may remember, Jessica's stepmom, one of the healthiest persons I had ever met, was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year ago. Actually, it is closing in on a year and a half. Well, she is in the very final stages of it and her passing is going to come any day now. Friday, we thought she had hours left and I quickly rushed over there. As my photo of the day is always on my mind and I knew I had to take a quick picture in case I was there through the night, I snapped a quick pic of the golf tee on my counter from the previous day...

February 19th, 2010 - Day 267

As it turns out, she didn't pass away on Friday and seems to be a little more stable now than when I first saw her on Friday. Jess has been over there most of the time and last night was the actual first good night of sleep in a few nights as a family friend agreed to take over her shift so she could come home for the night. We'll be going back over in just a bit. I did manage to take some photos while I was over at the house yesterday as well. Ironic how we play the waiting game for someone to pass on and I am taking pictures of the first signs of life from Spring.

February 20th, 2010 - Day 268

If you want to see the rest of the flowers I took that day that didn't make the cut (and there are some good ones) click on this link. They are in my miscellaneous folder so there are some other ones in there as well, but they are at the end.

But now, all we can do is wait. It's horrible to go from, "I hope she can hang on as long as she can" to, "She has no quality of life anymore, she isn't herself anymore, it would just be better if she passed on." But that is where we are right now. The waiting game sucks...


Miss Sassy Pants said...

The grass stain on the golf tee is cool.

The daffodil is beautiful. It's especially fitting since it's Fran's favorite flower.

The line about waiting for her to pass on while taking pictures of the first signs of life from Spring brought tears to my eyes.

I feel guilty that I want her to go now, because I know when she finally does I'll be devastated, but this just isn't her. She's not happy and we're miserable because there's nothing we can do to help her. This feeling of helplessness and being stuck in limbo is the worst thing I've ever experienced. We are so blessed with excellent family and friends who lend their strength and hold us up with their love - without them I don't know what we'd do.

Mom said...

Your pictures are beautiful as always but the words you right are even better.

All the daffodil pictures are beautiful.

Fran isn't herself anymore and I know it is hard to think you want someone to go but it is strictly out of love that you don't want to see someone suffer.

Hang in there!

laura b. said...

I'm so sorry. What a difficult and painful time for your family.
I do think there is solace in the beauty of the world that you find with your camera.

Tara said...

I'm so sorry for Jessica and you and the whole family during this time. My thoughts are with all of you.

Cancer naturally scares the hell out of me and I have nightmares about it.

Churlita said...

I'm so sorry for you guys. I know so many people battling cancer right now and it makes me sad and angry at the same time.

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

Love the golf tee shot..

so sorry to hear about Jes's Step-mom.. Hopefully she will finally find some peace.. In my prayers for all of you..

Sal said...

You are not alone as you endure this difficult time. Your friends and loved ones suffer with you. We wish that we could do something to mitigate Fran's suffering, as well as that of those she will leave behind.

The juxtaposition between impending death and the coming spring is truly beautiful, poetic even. Thanks for linking to the rest of the flower photos; even those that weren't good enough for the photo of the day are bright and colorful, providing a hopeful counterpoint during this sad time.

Your description of the waiting game, as you call it, reminds me of similar times in my own life. Though I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling, and the upheaval that has consumed your lives of late, I think it's safe to say that most if not all of us have experienced similar things, and our hearts go out to you.