Now introducing...

As you may have seen, I now have guest bloggers. I have opened this site up to friends and the wife if they want to get something off their chests. If you read below, they have plenty that they want to say. Anybody else that wants to write here, just drop me a line and let me know. I know that all of my friends have SOMETHING that irks them...


BAH WEEP GRANAH WEEP NINI BONG

Only stupid people are breeding.

I'm not a kid person. I don't like kids, I don't relate to kids, and I think that too many stupid people are breeding. Case in point, my neighbor:

I live in a cute little town, usually known for its uppity white people. I like uppity white people. I'd like to be an uppity white people someday myself. However, my neighbor is a fat bitch of the lowest order. She's got about a dozen kids that are always outside. And guess where those little bastards like to play………right in front of my fucking house!

That wouldn't be so bad, if there was some supervision. But there isn't. Every stupid welfare receiving, over breeding, piece of shit mother just sends their future convicts outside so they don't have to deal with 'em. Thanks bitch.

One might ask, 'where's their father'? Wouldn't we all like to know? There hasn't been a man near that house in the entire year that we've lived here. Come to think of it, what white guy would possibly impregnate that thing next door? White, did I say white? Yup. The fat bitch is white. And every illegitimate little shit head is white too. It goes to show you that white trash is just as bad as black trash. Some could argue that white trash is worse than black trash because black trash lives in the ghetto, white trash lives in white neighborhoods. I have no doubt in my mind that this fat fuck is living off of the buckets of child support that she must receive from the numerous fathers out there (besides being a burden on society and collecting welfare at the same time).
I believe that there should be an IQ test for perspective mothers. If the bitch is too stupid to be alive, rip her reproductive organs out. Now there's a tax I can go for.

There are other types of stupid breeders out there. How about those that can't afford to pay their bills, yet they're trying for ANOTHER child (we know some people like that). They are our future welfare recipients. And let's not forget our current welfare recipients. They breed simply to increase their welfare check amount. And finally there are today's teens. Those blossoming bitches that believe they have what it takes to be a mother while still in high school. They are the obvious offspring of a stupid parent.

If you're stupid, please don't breed.

A Grammar Lesson

Hi! I'm Manuel's wife and he invited me to be a guest-blogger. Thanks for the invite, hon, as you know I have some things to rant about too...

So my first and foremost rant, something that irritates me beyond belief, is misplaced apostrophes. I have made it my personal mission in life to educate the ignorant about misplaced apostrophes, something that you learn in 4th grade - and I should know, I live with a 4th grade teacher. So for all of you who were absent that day, here you go:

When a word has an apostrophe, it indicates possession, meaning something that belongs to someone. For example, my name is Jessica and I have a dog - Jessica's dog. I also have a house - Jessica's house. I am giving a grammar lesson - Jessica's grammar lesson. The point of this lesson: an apostrophe indicates possession.

So, with that in mind, when I go to Best Buy, why do I see signs that say: DVD's for $9.99? When I go to Safeway, why do I see packages that say: Ore Ida Pizza Mini's? When I'm driving down the street, why do I see a van that advertises: Errand's by Jane? What belongs to the DVDs? What belongs to the pizza minis? What belongs to the errands? The answer is nothing! Nothing belongs to the DVDs and the pizza minis and the errands because those are real life examples of today's lesson, misplaced apostrophes!

When there is more than one of something it is plural, and to indicate this, an s is placed after the word. For example, there is a CD on my desk. If there were four on my desk, I would have four CDs. Generally people sleep with more than one pillow - two pillows. I have a car and Manuel has a car, thus we have two cars. The point of this lesson: plural words have an s at the end.

Now, you must notice that nowhere in the plural leson did I mention apostrophes, did I? Then stop putting apostrophes in plural words!!!!! That's my point about misplaced apostrophes. It is WRONG to have a sign that says: DVD's for $9.99. If you were not absent that day in 4th grade Best Buy, you would know the correct way to write it would be: DVDs for $9.99. Likewise, Ore Ida, you packaging should read: Ore Ida Pizza Minis. And Jane, come on...

So there it is. My first blog and I feel like I have taken a huge step toward the education of America. Please feel free to share your examples of misplaced apostrophes. Be sure to include the offending company - I may just call and have a chat with them. I've done it before...

Why, why, why?

Of course, I am talking about the trade of Chris Webber. This one hit me like a bombshell last night. I wanted to sit down and write about it right away, but I wanted to wait and listen to Petrie's news conference. I was hoping that it would give me the answers as to why in the world this trade was made. Unfortunately. after this conference, I was still just as perplexed as when I heard the news - 8:42 pm on 2/23 to be exact. This trade hurts. I have been a Webb fan since the good ol' Fab Five days. When he got traded to my Kings, it was a dream come true. Then the good times began for this franchise. Could they be over? Has Petrie thrown in the towel? Well, let's look at why this trade might have been done...

1.To get rid of Webb's Contract - Yes, he had a huge contract. But now we are stuck with three guys with decent sized contracts. Thomas's even goes 'till like 2010. So yes, Webb's contract is gone, but we aren't in THAT much better shape.

2.To avoid the risk of Webb going down again - Sure, he is injury prone. But I was willing to take the chance. Especially after seeing what he could do this year on basically one leg. None of the guys we got when HEALTHY are going to make the game winning and clutch 4th quarter shots that Webb has made this year. So let's take the risk. That is my view anyways.

3. Peja was unhappy and wanted out unless Webb was gone - Very likely. This is what I believe happened. The team is ready to say, "Ok, Peja, this is your team. You got what you want. Now take us there." But can he? He has been such a baby this year, I don't know if he can. At least Webb is willing to take a big shot. Peja hides in clutch moments. Is he our leader? All I can say is that if this is what happened, Peja better sack up and start taking over games. If he doesn't improve and is still sulking like he has been all year, then screw him. Let him go run off to L.A. with his security blanket Vlade.

So, how will this trade affect us? It could go either way. We lost an All-Star. He didn;t make the team, but that was debatable. Are we going to have to change the offense. We rely so much on the high post offense. Is Kenny Thomas going to be able to make the nice passes to cutting guards or hit the occassional 18 foot jumper? Doesn't look promising. The only way it might help is if Thomas gets his butt down on the blocks and picks up some much needed rebounds for us. I mean, really bang down there to justify getting him. If he can't improve our rebounding and defense and hurts the way our offense works, then what was the point? That is what I am still trying to figure out. If it doesn't work out, then look out below. Down the standings we go. I am going to miss you Webb. It's just not right. Not all of Sacto hated you...

BAH WEEP GRANAH WEEP NINI BONG

Way to go fatty

I am not doing so well on my diet. I am back up to 240.5. It has been really hard for me to get back on it. When my wife was gone on vacation for a week, I couldn't do it simply because I had no desire to cook for myself. Then, when my wife got back, neither of us could ge int he mood to diet after being bad the previous week. I feel really guilty because I really want this. I just am having trouble with the motivation. This week is already off to a not so good start with Valentine's Day, dinner for my wife on Friday night, a bunch of running around on Saturday, and then dinner at the in-laws on Sunday. Whew. What I am going to do?

The Kings got screwed AGAIN tonight. Ok, this is getting ridiculous. Last week, they lost two games in part because of CLEAR bad calls at the end of the game. Twice in one week! Tonight, they got screwed again by a game changing call that could have made all the difference. This was also CLEARLY a bad call at the end of the game. There is no way this can happen to a team three times in the span of a week. So the Kings should have never let it get to one call at the end of the game. But that is the NBA. It would just be nice to know that if it does come down to the end, calls will be made right. This has not been the case. I am fuming right now. I am pissed. Can my team get no love? In the meantime, the boys are just sliding farther and farther down the rankings. Maybe this All Star break is what they need because they are in some kind of funk right now.

No one has read my blog in a about a week. What happened to this cult following? Should I even bother? If you read my blog, I don't care if you just comment to just say hi, just please leave comments. This place is as dead as ...(insert inappropriate joke here).


BAH WEEP GRANAH WEEP NINI BONG

The Poker Gods Have Mercy

Saturday was the big tournament. I woke up at 5:30 in the morning to await whatever fate the Poker Gods decided to bestow on me. The tournament didn't start until 9:00am, but we had to be there early for signups. Since there were only a certain number of seats available, I didn't even have a seat right away. I had to wait until 3 people were knocked out for me to sit down. Luckily, that only took about 15 minutes. What a tense 15 minutes that was though. Not quite the tension I have before a big soccer game, but pretty damn close. I think it could have had even more if I had had the slightest bit of confidence that I would actually do well. So, I found out that there was going to be 87 people in the tournament, or as I like to call it, 86 people against me. That includes the three people I went with. However, once they called my name, all the tension I had instantly disappeared. I was ready to play and ready to show what I had. Top 10 people were going to get money. These would be the people who would make it to the final table. So I sat down, and all of a sudden, I started winning hands. I won when I had the best cards and I won when I bet enough to make others think I had the best cards. After a couple of hours, I heard there were about 30 people left. Huh? I had already gone through about 40 people? Awesome! I should have known considering the fact that I had already seen 4 different people who were sitting on my left get eliminated. I should have known this was happening elsewhere. Suddenly, there were now 20 people left. By the next hand there were 18. And then it happened 15 minutes later. I was now at the final table. I had made it. The tournament started with 87 people and there were 10 left. One of those chumps just happened to be me. To make it even better, a friend of mine made it as well. We got a 5 minute break to relax. I tell ya, that 5 minutes was so exciting because I just got to relax and reflect on what I had accomplished. I finally ended up in 8th place. Disappointed that I didn't win? Sure, who wouldn't want to? But really, the disappointment is so minute that it barely even registers. I had beat 79 other people. A crowd of people was watching ME play poker! How friggin' cool is that? I got about $100 for my 3 hours of work, but really it isn't about the money. 6 months from now, I won't remember how much money I won, but I will remember what place I got and how the whole experience went. My buddy did even better - a 4th place finish. Just an unbelieveable day. When I dropped him off, I finally let it all out. Driving home, I let out a giant scream and pumped my fist in the air. I had achieved something that I didn't even begin to think was possible. Apparently, the Poker Gods had something up their sleeves for me. They work in mysterious ways.

The tournamant also finally gave me the closing signature I have been looking for...

"To do well, all I need is a chip and chair."

And do well I did.

Way late..

I don't know what took me so long to do this as the wife has been gone on vacation all week and I have done nothing. Anyways, I gained .5 pounds last week. I kind of figured I would as the wife and I ate out a bunch as we seemed to be always out at dinner time. Bummer. What sucks though is that I needed a weight loss to make up for this week. With the wife gone, I knew I would gain as I wouldn't want to cook much. Well, that is exactly what has transpired so I am not looking at all towards weighing in on Monday.

Tomorrow morning is the big poker tournament. I have to be there at 6:45 am to sign up and then the game will start at 9:00 am. With all the people that will be playing, I will need some luck. Well, if I do bad, at least the wife comes home tomorrow. That will be a prize in itself...