Why the Hate???

I was flipping though my Maxim the other day and they started making fun of a film icon of our time. DeNiro? No. Pacino? No. Keeanu Reeves (C'mon, he is an icon with lines like, "I am an EFF-BEE-EYE AGENT.)? No, not even him. They dared to come down on the greatness that is Sylvester Stallone. I will wait while you contain your laughter...

Seriously though. This guy gets no respect. Sure, his acting isn't Oscar caliber. Sure, the storylines aren't always award winning. However, does every movie need to shoot for a golden statue? Does every movie need to have some deep hidden meaning? No. Sometimes, people just want to sit down for 90 minutes and be entertained by senseless nonsense. Now, if you are the kind of person that only enjoys period pieces and preachy dramas, then stop reading now. I enjoy those kind of movies too, but you have to change it up now and then. So in honor of Stallone Appreciation Day (What, you don't celebrate this?), I give you the top 5 Stallone movies that you need to see.

I have excluded Rocky and Rambo movies because those eare too obvious. Sure, Rocky is his best movie, but it was also nominated for 10 Oscars and actually won Best Picture. It can't go in this list.

Honorable mention:
Assassins (1995) and Tango and Cash (1989) - Two great movies that just weren't good enough to make it on the list. Both of these made great because of a fun storyline and good banter with the costars- Antonio Banderas and Kurt Russell respectively. You want 90 minutes of mindless action, check these out.

#5- Over the Top (1987) - Man needs to win arm wrestling tournament to win the respect and love of his estranged son who was living with separated mom until her death. Okay, so it sounds a little hokey. In fact, it is VERY hokey. But, what male my age doesn't try to do the over the top thumb move when arm wrestling a friend that he learned from this movie? That alone is a sign of lasting power for this movie. And when Stallone had to battle with the big, bald, idiot at the end of the movie, who wasn't on the edge of their seat? Yes, great movie indeed.

#4 - Lock Up (1989) - Stallone plays Frank Leone, a guy who ends up in a maximum security prison because of a vindictive warden played by the always great and evil Donald Sutherland. Leone tries to keep his morals while fighting off whatever Sutherland throws at him. It is hard to hold back the tears as Sutherland orders the car that Stallone and his inmate friends spent so many hours fixing to be destroyed while they watch. You want to jump through the screen and grab Sutherland around his neck. If it wasn't a good movie, you simply wouldn't care.

#3 - Cobra (1986) - Now we are getting to greatness. Stallone plays Marion Cobretti, a homicide detective protecting a witness from a serial killer. My wife watched this for the first time a year or so ago and actually said, "This movie is creepy." Aha! If it was bad, she would have just laughed. But it actually disturbed her in a Silence of the Lambs kind of way. Didn't that win Best Picture? Stallone has some great lines in this as well. When a killer threatens to blow up a supermarket, what does cool Stallone say? Simply, "Go ahead, I don't shop here." In the final battle with he killer, he spews off two great lines, "This is where the law stops, and I start- sucker," and "You're the disease, and I'm the cure." Classic. Go rent this now!

#2 - Cliffhanger ( 1993) - Deciding between #2 and #1 was hard but this gets #2 because it is less quotable. Stallone is Gabe Walker, a mountain rescue man who is retired because of an unfortunate mishap one snowy day. In fact, let's talk about that scene at the beginning. You can't tell me that when you first saw this scene, you weren't on the edge of your seat sweating. When Michael Rooker says to him, Don't you drop her Gabe," was their anyone who really thought he was going to drop her. Not the great Stallone. What a twist, 5 minutes in tot he movie. John Lithgow plays the evil Eric Qualen. I am not sure that Lithgow has ever equaled this great performance. Anyways, Lithgow loses tons of the money he stole in the snowy mountains and has Stallone and Rooker find it for him at gunpoint. You can imagine that they fight back. Special effects and sound are spectacular - earning three Oscar nominations. The scenery is beautiful. Just way too underrated.

#1 - Demolition Man (1993) - Wow, 1993 was a good year for Stallone. For mindless fun, it doesn't get any better than this. Stallone plays John Spartan, a cop who is framed for murder and is put in to a frozen state as his punishment. His nemesis, Wesley Snipes, the man who set him up, is also frozen. 30 something year later. Snipes is able to escape and causes havoc in the now, completely devoid of anything bad, society. So of course, they thaw out Stallone to catch him and chaos ensues. The society they live in, where anything not deemed clean or good, greasy foods, foul language, even sex is deemed illegal. Besides being fun, I am sure this movie was meant as some kind of political commentary as to what the world would be like if censorship were to take over. In the time we live in now where the FCC rules the airwaves, this movie becomes even more relevant. But this movie is more than just a comment on where society is heading, it is damn fun. All the futuristic gadgets and the great wit of Snipes makes this movie one of a kind. Sandra Bullock is at her cutest and does not bring down this film at all. Dennis Leary also has a small, but vital and hilarious role as the leader of an underground society who don't live up to the morals of the new society. His group just wants things how they were and he has a great monologue on this similar to his great spots on MTV in the early 90s. Overall, this is simply a great movie. Watch it for the great comedy and action blend. Watch it for the comment on today's society. Either way, you can get something out of this. It knew what it was talking about. Example - Bullock talks to Stallone about how Schwarzenegger eventually became President while Stallone was frozen. A sign of the future? Maybe? Here is the freaky one. I just glanced throughout the movie real quick to look for a quote. In one scene, there is a listing of the frozen prisoners who are to have a parole hearing. One of the names? Scott Peterson. How freaky is that? Finally, you can't ignore some of the great lines in this movie. Too many to list. Just see it or you will be "Fined one credit for violation of the verbal morality statue.:

So there you have it. Quite an expansive list, but a necessary one. So please, stop making fun of Stallone. He stays within his limits and entertains the masses. Sometimes, that is all we need, to be entertained. Stallone can do that like so few can. Thanks Rocky...