Quietly into that good night

Official weight this morning---------191.4 lbs.

I now owe the Nevada State Athletic Commission and my opponent apart of my purse for the fight this Saturday. I underestimated the timing and how much I could actually lose over a few days. I now know that I need to be in a closer range of the 185 mark to be able to shed those last few pounds the day of the weigh-in. I tried this morning, but could only shed about 5 pounds to get to the mark I ended up hitting. Guess I am a tweener in the middleweight-light heavyweight divisions. This is all part of my UFC obsession. I gave myself 90 days to get it all done. That was the deal. 90 days to start a countdown and see what it's like to try and live like a fighter and make sacrifices. In the end I did not learn a thing about fighting. That's my big reveal. My countdown ended up not meaning much really. I stopped it near the end cause of what I deem to be my problems with my writing. I guess I fall into this kinda cliche of if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound? Well if a guy writes blog postings and no one is around to see them do they even exist? Good or bad I needed more than I got. That's what became my problem. Not the people, but the lack of response to anything I wrote. making me think I'm not really writing anything anymore of any substance. Ya dig. In the end I did not learn a thing about fighting. I learned way too much about my life.

I can keep my attention on something for 30 days. That's it. I can live my life a month at a time. That's all I got and then I am on to something else. I have no such thing as a long term goal in my life. How else do I explain my behavior? I was yelled at by a grown ass woman this past Monday and the gist of it was for me to grow up and what a loser I am. Funny thing is I pushed her button to get her to say it and I smiled right after I heard her yelling at me. Not the way to begin the summer of ALONE. That's my new title for this vacation. Which is starting to crumble all around me. I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I fix one thing and cause two new problems. An 8-year-old is walking around looking cool cause his parents couldn't take care of what I ended up doing. My fault I had the option on that one. My new best friend is now officially my DOG. And he pissed on my bed. How ironically appropriate to get pissed on by my buddy. I think my car is going to die on me this weekend. Between the mysterious check engine light and my AC helping my vehicle struggle I should be somewhere between Sacramento and Cambria looking at my vehicle go up in flames sometime tomorrow. Oh the trip I have known about for months, but am now having to turn to alternative sources to get my broke ass back and forth. That's another way for saying I went crawling to Mom and Dad for help. I'd explain further, but in the end it's really just all my fault. But at least my outfit is nice. FUCKING idiot.

I'm tirreeeed of hating on people. Ya know what folks? Do what ya do and I will stay out of it. I won't say shit to others about it. I don't care. Your act or actions or personality do not matter to me anymore. I slipped out of being what I was around the same time I agreed to go see Kangaroo Jack in the theatres around 2003.

The creative process is very easy. All you have to do is step away from fear. if you know anything about me you know that half of my life has been based on either running from fear or hiding behind it to help me make my important decisions. The more I write this the more I no longer care what you see when you look at me. trying to be nice is different than actually being a nice dude and I tend to think most people can see deep down inside I am just an ass. If you need proof please ask Sarah, Tammy, Sarah, Julie, Marsala, Lucinda, Jillian and Maria. I am sure they would all tend to agree with me on this one.

I told someone that I was thinking about skipping a family vacation cause I didn't feel comfortable leaving my dog in the house all week with someone who wouldn't take care of him how I do. Mostly cause I got nothing to do, but chill with him a lot but is that sad? I rather help him out than myself.

My old elementary school got turned into Heritage Park Charter School. More good news this week.

I got to do a physical for work this week. I know it's all professional and all, but I was just laughing that in a matter of 10 minutes a female was examining my piss closely and a man was grabbing my ball sac. I usually have to pay a couple hundred dollars for that kind of service.

This is it. My randomness is done. I have no insightful points to make. I think it has been a good run for the past couple of years. I believe I no longer get anything from this and I know that everyone is tired of my act. As other stories begin and new chapters abound I wish you all luck in the future. You won't see me around here anymore. If you ever see anything written by Wes Slater then you know where I went.

Cassie, I got Mike's T-shirt. It was a more difficult task than I thought it would be and I will be in my lovely apparel showing Rampage Jackson love, so hope I catch up with yall on Friday. Oh and I got you something too. I think i will just present it to ya both before the wedding so you have something to open prior to all the madness if I catch ya in some down time Friday. Congrats to you both by the way.

Mom, give me a hug next time ya see me. I think I need it.

Manuel and Jess please don't ask me to play guitar hero cause I will just embarrass myself.

Time to go beg for money and eat free food cause I am a free-loader.

I leave you with this. A friend of mine quoted something to me that I told him back in 2003 when he was drunk at a wedding and having doubts about his situation in his family. It might be the smartest thing I have ever said. Not original granted. He liked it though and if 4 years later he can recite it back to me maybe I made a change in him for the better.

"You can't choose you're family, but you can choose you're friends. He has to be you're family, but he doesn't have to be you're friend."

Rabble Rock!

one last time just for me