One of the perks of the old job was the stories I'd come home with. I mean, the things I saw, the things people said, the things that happened - all of it made for great stories. I was afraid, taking this new job, that I'd lose the stories. I mean, what could there possibly be to tell stories about?
Thankfully, I was wrong. Here are two...
A lady called saying that she was having some itching "in her personal area." (It's funny to hear what people call their vaginas. Sometimes they actually say it, but they whisper it.) Upon asking this lady a few questions, something interesting came out. She said, "Yeah, and my butt itches too. I did sleep on a homeless guy's blanket, and the dog had fleas. Do you think that's why I'm itching?"
Ummm... You slept on a homeless guy's blanket?!
A 15 year old girl called saying she had symptoms of gonorrhea. I asked how she knew she had gonorrhea. She said she had been treated for it before. I asked where she had been treated. Her response? "Giggle giggle, Juvie."
Ummm... You think it's funny that you are 15 years old and were treated for gonorrhea in juvenile hall?!
Ah yes, the stories didn't stop...
4 comments:
This post reminds me a sketch on Saturday Night Live called "Appalachian Emergency Room" where the various folk(in this case white trash) come into the clinic with really weird problems. One I remember was where a guy had a watermelon stuck on his penis. When he let go of the watermelon, it didn't fall down. Another patient keeps putting weird stuff up his butt (like curling irons and small animals). Another guy had an tv antenna through his skull. Pretty funny, each "patient" is introduced with "Deliverance" like banjo music.
I'm sure those weird problems come from some real truth. I'm glad you still have stories - I was worried. I liked the blanket one.
What did the blanket lady get? What the hell kind of thing to you get from sleeping on a homeless guy's blanket?
Fleas?
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