I like dumb criminals....

It always makes me laugh when a criminal gets caught only because they were dumb....

"WESTLAKE, Ohio -- A waitress who asked a woman to show proof of age upon ordering a drink was shown her own license, police said.

The waitress, a 22-year-old Lakewood woman, had reported her wallet stolen from a bar on July 9. Her driver's license and credit card were in the wallet. The credit card had already been used for $1,000 in illicit purchases, authorities said.

Last week, the waitress was working at the Moosehead Saloon when the stolen license was produced, officers said.

As the waitress called Westlake police, the woman apparently got suspicious and took off , according to police. She was identified by a friend as Maria Bergan, 23.

Bergan was arrested at her home Saturday night. She remains in the Westlake City Jail."


When Jessica's license was stolen and checks were made in her name and spent all over town, I prayed that the culprit would slip and show the license to the wrong person. I figured though, what are the chances of THAT actually happening. Good to see someone got caught. I have absolutely no sympathy for people who commit identity theft. I think they rank near the top of criminals I HATE. Still, I find this story hilarious...

Where were these shirts last week?

Last week I commented on how hot it has been. Well, some Japanese brainiacs have come up with the solution. Read:

"TOKYO, July 30 (UPI) -- Japanese technician Hiroshi Ichigaya has invented what he calls the world's first air-conditioned shirt.

While most shirts trap an individual's sweat -- keeping it from evaporating -- Ichigaya's invention creates circulating air to enhance evaporation through the use of two small battery-operated fans, the Mail on Sunday said.

All electrical parts of the shirt can be removed to allow for washing, and the shirt can even be powered by plugging it into a computer through a USB cord.

The shirt reportedly offers the wearer a pleasant breeze with one drawback -- when it's running, the shirt partially inflates.

"It's true the shirts make you look like a 'Michelin Man' but on factory floors people are more worried about being able to do their jobs in comfort," said Ichigaya -- referring to an advertising icon whose body is made up of auto tires.

Ichigaya's company, Kuchofuku, will distribute the shirts, which range in price from $93 for a blouse to just over $186 for a pair of air-conditioned overalls, the Mail said."

Hmmm....well, unless everyone starts wearing them, I can't say that I would wear this in public. Yeah, it probably brings relief, but it would be slightly embarassing. The fact that it makes you look a little plumper sure doesn't add to it's appeal. So, would anyone reading this try it out?






It might keep you cool, but it still does not prevent sunburns. A nasty sunburn is what I have right now. I went to a couple of soccer games with my dad yesterday and put sunscreen on. I didn't wear a hat because I hate wearing them when it is really hot and my head does nothing but sweat. Man, I wish I had just broke down and wore a hat. My scalp is covered in blisters now. They don't hurt, but if you rub my head, it feels like an unfinished, bumpy road. I know it is only going to get uglier from here. Crap...

How Time Flies...

It just occurred to me that today is July 30. Tomorrow is the last day of the month, then it's August. I'm pretty sure it was just last week that I was mulling over how it was already June.

I remember being young and hearing my parents say that the older you get, the faster time goes. I remember thinking how ridiculous that statement was - time is time - it goes at the same rate, regardless of age.

Now I see how wrong I was. Time does fly by the older I get. It's scary. I mean, it's already been nearly 4 years that I've been married, 2 years since I graduated from nursing school, nearly 2 years that we've lived in our house.

I just hope I don't wake up one morning and realize that I'm 40 and ask myself where my life went, what do I have to show for all these years? I think that might be one of my biggest fears...

I really shouldn't laugh, but....

Someone dies and I laugh. I'm going to hell....


From The Sun online:
"A WOMAN cutting grass on a canal bank drowned after being dragged into the water by her LAWNMOWER.

Volunteer conservationist Cicely Greenslade, in her 60s, is believed to have tripped and lost control of the machine at Easington, Glos.

The mum of two spent most of her free time working with the Cotswold Canals Trust.

A spokesman said: “She was a dear friend and a committed helper.”

Mrs Greenslade and husband Henry moved to Stonehouse, Glos, from Devon because of their love of the county’s extensive canals."

C'mon, you know you pictured it and chuckled a little. Right?

In other news...

This from Newsday.com
"NEW YORK -- A man accused of biting the head off his pet rooster was arrested Friday and faces up to a year in prison if convicted, an animal protection spokesman said.

A neighbor had complained about a dead rooster near his Manhattan apartment and agents found the body of the beheaded rooster on a fire escape, said Joe Pentangelo, spokesman for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. The rooster's head was not located. Humberto Rodriguez, 52, told agents that he bit the rooster's head off because he blamed it for injuring a pet pigeon that he also kept in the apartment, Pentangelo said.

Rodriguez is charged with animal cruelty and could face up to a year in prison if convicted. It is also illegal to possess a live rooster in New York City, Pentangelo said.

Pentangelo said Friday night he did not know whether Rodriguez had a lawyer."

You know, if one of my dogs went crazy and killed the other dog, I would be hurt, pissed, etc. Can't say I would literally bite their head off...

I thought I had seen it all.....

Of all the weird, gross, sick, and dumb stuff I have linked you to on this blog, this one has to top them all. If you have been looking for a place to collect celebrity.....ummm...FECES, this is your site. Yup, for just a small fee, you can now own the fecal matter from your favorite celeb. Seriously, this site sells it. Fake or not, this is just sick....but you know you are going to click it just to see the going rate for poop from Burt Reynolds.

http://www.blackpitchpress.com/celebrityskin/film.htm

IDIOT!

Last Sunday, I cheered with the news that American Floyd Landis had won the Tour de France. I wouldn't say that I am huge fan of bicycle races, but this is the one event in the sport I can get behind because of it's magnitude. With Lance Armstrong's retirement, I was certain an American victory would be out of reach. Landis proved me wrong and despite a HUGE setback a few days before the end of the race, he came out on top. Yeah. U-S-A! I was proud. Note the word WAS. Word is coming out today that Landis has tested postive for large amounts of testosterone and is suspended pending further testing. This is an embarresment. You know, with all the scandals Armstrong went through, our country didn't need a scandal like this. If this all turns out to be true, SCREW YOU LANDIS!!!



Another week, another Zombie story. This time from Minneapolis: "Six friends spruced up in fake blood and tattered clothing were arrested in downtown Minneapolis on suspicion of toting "simulated weapons of mass destruction."

Police said the group were allegedly carrying bags with wires sticking out, making it look like a bomb, while meandering and dancing to music as part of a "zombie dance party" Saturday night.

"They were arrested for behavior that was suspicious and disturbing," said Lt. Gregory Reinhardt, a police spokesman. Police also said the group was uncooperative and intimidated people with their "ghoulish" makeup.

One group member said the "weapons" were actually backpacks modified to carry a homemade stereos and were jailed without reason. None of the six adults and one juvenile arrested have been charged."

What is with all the zombie love lately in our country?!?!?



It is exactly ONE YEAR TODAY until the Simpsons Movie comes out in the theater. Can't wait! Simpsons AND Transformers in the same month? What is a boy to do?

Rich has a new post today (finally) right below. Be sure to check it out!

You are too late. He's already here.

It's me. It's me. The same old G. Back to do damage to your brainwaves. The night time word crafter has ended his self-imposed exile to partake of your time. To rob you of precious seconds in your life that will never be recovered. What follows is a public service announcement. I am not the expert movie critic in this here blogdom (blog+kingdom equals blogdom. I created a word. Feel free to steal it and use it for your own benefit). I will just simply use my access to the public to offer these words of advice.

DO NOT SEE MIAMI VICE

I was privileged enough to go to the sneak preview of this epic piece of garbage this past Tuesday. I got into a movie for free and I wanted to walk out after an hour of punishment. I tend to overdue my emotions, but even after some time away from the crime scene I still feel robbed of my valuable time. It is not the acting. It is not the cinematography. Not having the original theme song from the 80's TV show was a disappointment. IT JUST WENT NOWHERE. If you watch the first 5- 10 minutes, leave, and then watch the final 15 minutes you will accomplish the exact same thing as I did by sitting through all 2+ hours of this unfortunate work of art.

I will admit to not ever really watching the TV show, so I can not comment on how the two compared. That said, after seeing this movie I have no desire to see any of the TV show. Frankly, Bad Boys 2 and the TV series Fastlane did this story quite well already and Miami Vice tried to do the same thing and fell flat on it's face. If I wanted to watch a porno, I would have skipped the 5 or so scenes of softcore Skinamax in Vice and gone to my local adult store and made a purchase. If I wanted to watch a bunch of impressive backdrops of Miami, I would have gone to Miami and seen them in person. And if I wanted to listen to an hour and half of meaningless banter between people I don't give a flying F about I would call up my cousins Darvi and Chris to discuss how DIFFICULT there lil lives are. Save your money people and walk away. Go see Clerks 2. Pillow Pants lives people and THAT"S beautiful MAN!

In closing I say this. Tim Sylvia and Andrei Arlovski owe me 40 bucks for that piece of crap they produced at UFC 61. Christina Aguilera drops her 3rd album on August 15th people. GET IT! If you ever go to one Oakland A's game then check out Root Beer Float day. Once a year people it is heaven on earth. Ebay is ruining my credit report. Going Bald sucks. And if anyone is interested I have a 32 oz root beer float mug signed by 4 Raiderette cheerleaders up for sale. $50 OBO. Spread the virus.

Too much time on my hands

Love this new one! Any suggestions for future ones?













Quote Quiz
1. "She finds you crusty, Dave."

2. "Chickens! You guys have chickens? Are they extra crispy or original recipe?"

3. "We're the few. The proud. The WATERBOYS!"

Insert Creative Title Here

It's hotter than hell in these parts lately. I mean, what is it, 9 straight days now over 100 degrees? It wouldn't be quite so bad if it wasn't for the damn humidity that is coming with it. Well, not much humidity anymore, but for a couple of days, it was just suffocating. Almost felt like New York in the summer. That is an experience not soon forgotten. I hear by Thursday, the temperature might be below 100. We'll see. I did my open house this past weekend early, from 10am-1pm. As I was putting out my signs as 945am, I was sweating up a storm. Way to early for that. I would STILL take this over stormy weather.....probably.



I have a bunch of potential work stuff going on right now. Please think good thoughts.




These are 2 new Transformers posters that have come out in anticipation of the July 4th release next year. I have been thinking of getting a second tattoo. If I had to choose one of these, which one would you go for?















I've been playing again on photoshop. Here are a couple more of my latest creations:

THINK first!!!!!

You know, you should REALLY think before you come up with a name for your URL. These are all REAL sites, but the names were not picked very carefully....

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their wacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

Oh boy....

OK, ummm, what??!?!

This was an actual letter to the editor just printed in the Charlotte Observer...

Fear mongerers, didn't you forget something?

Every day I see countless articles about politics, the war and why flip-flops aren't good for your feet, but I also see Charlotteans neglecting the important news.

The threat of a zombie attack.
The dead are everywhere: in our cemeteries, in our morgues, in our own backyards. The potential for an undead uprising is huge. There is no question we'd be overcome -- we would be no match for their brute strength and blind determination to feast on human flesh. I appeal to parents to sit down with their children and discuss emergency evacuation plans, which household items make the best weapons, and how to recognize when a loved one no longer has a soul.

Please, Charlotte, concentrate on the real danger.

Diana Westley

Umm....huh?



NEW Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles teaser trailer! Here is the clip to click on, but if it should stop working, here is the link. Be patient, it's going slow at times because of traffic.





http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/teenagemutantninjaturtles/

Yup, looks good.

Be sure to give love to today's other post below as well....

What so and so taught me...

Sometimes I cruise random blogs for good ideas to write about. I recently saw this idea which looked kind of fun. Take a random music band you like. Take the the title of one of their songs or a line in it and turn it into a lesson you have learned. Yeah, makes no sense at all right now, but you'll get the idea really quick. For example:
George Michael taught me that you gotta have faith...

So, in partial alphabetical order, here is what I learned from music....

AC/DC taught me that money talks
Bloodhound Gang taught me the a lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying
Beastie Boys taught me to fight for my right to party
Bon Jovi taught me that for love - we'll give it a shot
Disturbed taught me to get down with the sickness
Dave Matthews taught me to take these chance and place them in a box until a quieter time
Denis Leary taught me that I'm an asshole
Extreme taught me that there's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you
The Eagles taught me that you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Faith No More taught me that you want it all but you can't have it
Foo Fighters taught me that I'll never be your monkey wrench
Guns N Roses taught me to have some patience, don't cry, and that you could be mine
Green Day taught me to have the time of my life
Godsmack taught me that I'm doing the best that I can, so go away
Hootie taught me to let her cry
Hall and Oats taught me that I can't go for that(No can do)
Kiss taught me that I wanna rock and roll all night
Kid Rock taught me that it ain't braggin' mother fucka if you can back it up
Lynyrd Skynyrd taught me to be a simple man
Limp Bizkit taught me to keep rollin'
Marilyn Manson taught me that I wasn't born with enough middle fingers and that there's no time to discriminate - hate every mother fucker
Metallica taught me to trust in who we are because nothing else matters
Motley Crue taught me that all around the world, girls will be girls
Onyx taught me to slam
Pearl Jam taught me that some words when spoken can't be taken back
REM taught me that everbody hurts
System of a Down taught me there's something wrong with me
Tool taught me to learn to swim
U2 taught me that I still haven't found what I'm looking for
Van Halen taught me that I might as well jump
Sinead O Conner taught me that nothing compares to you
Dee Light taught me that groove is in the heart
Right Said Fred taught me that I'm too sexy
Michael Jackson taught me to just beat it
Weird Al taught me to just eat it
Chumbawumba taught me that if I get knocked down, to get back up again
and finally........

Vanilla Ice taught me to stop, collaborate, and listen

Great America

We went to Great America with some friends yesterday. I hadn't been to Great America in probably 5 years or more. I have a friend who used to work there and for a few years I never had to pay to get in. And one time, she got us in after hours to ride a ride non-stop while she trained people how to operate it. THAT rocked!

Do you know how much it costs to get in? $51.99! Can you believe it?! It's a good thing we went with our friend who works with the CHP. He got tickets for $27, nearly half off.

We left our house at 745 yesterday morning at got to our friend's house in Woodland at 830. By the time everyone else got there and loaded everything up, we left for Great America about 920. It was a nice ride because they have a DVD played in their car. Granted, they also have kids so we watched an animated Star Wars movie, but at least the conversation was good. We got there slightly before 11, but by the time all the people and all their kids were ready to go, it was 1130. (Manuel and I were the only childless couple.)

Then we spent a ton of time at the photo opportunity at the entrance. And a ton of time at the bathrooms waiting for everyone to get pottied. I swore we would never get to the rides! (This was the only time I've ever questioned wanting kids, and even then it was in jest.)

Our friends suggested we go ahead without them, but we stayed, mostly out of politeness. As it turns out though, I'm glad we stayed with them because the more I got to know everyone, the more fun I had. Plus, I'm not as young as I used to be... I used to be able to ride roller coasters until the cows came home. Now, when the ride is over, I feel slightly nauseous and very dizzy. Staying with the slow-moving big crowd was perfect because by the time they were ready to ride another ride, my tummy had settled and my brain had stopped spinning.

And I was able to ride every ride I wanted to. Granted, there were 2 where the park employee had to squish me in so the belt latched, but at least I didn't have to leave because I was too fat! (I guess it's a good thing I've lost the 20+ pounds I have. Imagine if I hadn't...)

Plus, I got to spend the whole day with babies. My mom suggested holding babies to remind my body what it's all about. If it works and I get pregnant, I owe it all the Great America!

It was a hot day. Nothing like the heat in Sacramento, but being outside all day in the sun, it was hot. We played in the water a lot.

By the end of the day, when we left the park when it closed at 8, I felt disgusting. A day's worth of sweat, sunscreen, dirty ride water and a mild sunburn will do that to you.

We got home (to our house) a little after 11. I hopped my dirty ass into the shower. It felt good to be clean. I put gobs of lotion on my sunburned face and climbed into bed next to my already sleeping husband.

Life is good.

Why?

My first question is how does shit like this continued to be made? From the previews, Little Man looked like one gigantic pile of steaming horse crap. Who keeps letting the Wayans brothers make movies? Then I hear that the "movie" made 21.7 million this weekend. What the hell is wrong with people?!?!?! Even though I think the Scary Movie films are crap as well, I get why people are going to see them. People love parodies and people love horror films. But this new film - good GOD, could this look worse?



How about some movie quotes to mix it up? You know the drill...

1. "Would ya just watch the hair. Ya know, I spend a long time on my hair and he hit it; he hit my hair."

2. "Ohhhhhhhhweeee, you good-lookin."

3. "What's more chickenshit than fucking with a man's automobile? I mean, don't fuck with another man's vehicle."

Idiots in the news

Ok, seriously, this suing people for no good cause is getting out of hand. Allan Heckard, of Portland, is suing Michael Jordan and Nike each $416 million because he says that he can't live a normal life because of his likeness to Jordan. He says he just wants repayment for all the pain and suffering he gets as a result for not being able to go out in the world without being harrassed. How he came up with the total of $832 million, I have no idea. I would love to see how this one turns out... you know, only because I get mistaken for Brad Pitt all the time.




This old guy here looks like a pretty nice guy right? You might like to strike up a nice conversation with him on a park bench right? This is 80 year old Felix Cocco of Pittsburgh. What is this nice little old man do? Well, he was arrested for dealing crack out of his house AND bringing hookers over to his house and trading the crack for sex. Why? Well, his response to the judge was that he was simply trying to pay the bills and figured that it was cheaper to trade crack for sex than just straight out paying for sex. From the looks of his deal, it looks like he might only be getting 6 to 18 months in jail. You get a discount at Denny's and reduced jail sentences? Lucky ass.....


Here is a classic video to help bring the mood back up a little. Have a great weekend everybody!



Oh yeah...in case you havent heard, this is now the IN way to solve your problems with others. Thanks for starting the trend Zidane.

I Love My Kids!

World Cup is over....

...time to move on I guess. Man, that month went way too quick. I hate that I have to wait another 4 years. At least the Euros have Euro 2008 and the South Americans have Copa America. To be the fan of the US, you have to wait until the next World Cup for a major competition. Yes, we have the Gold Cup, but that bites. Oh well, it gives the US time to regroup from the disaster that was the World Cup. Congrats to Italy for their victory. I thought it was an enjoyable game that was only marred by the Zidane head butt. Some people are placing the blame on him for France losing the final, but I don't think it really made a big impact on the game. It still would have gone to penalty kicks and Italy didn't look like they were going to miss any. Who knows. It is sad to see Zidane go out like that, but hey, shit happens.




















The new Rocky trailer was just released. Unlike the great teaser that was released a few months ago and didn't included any movie footage, this one has a bunch of footage. Most people are against this whole idea, but being the big fan I am, I'm going to go see it anyways. Check it out and let me know what you think...

I Can't Believe The Rudeness...

Manuel and I went to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie Friday afternoon. This post is not about the movie, so I'll keep my review of it short: It was good. Not as funny as the first as it was a much darker story. There was a fun ending that was a cliffhanger for the third. And stay through the credits - there is a little fun thing at the end.

Now, why I'm writing... I am amazed at how rude and inconsiderate people are at the movies. Someone's cell phone rang. The people behind us talked. The girl behind Manuel took her shoes off and put her feet up on the empty chair next to him and her feet smelled. The guy behind me kept bumping my chair with his legs and even after a few dirty looks never apologized. Someone occasionally shined a laser pointer on the screen.

This lack of respect for other people spending their hard-earned money to watch a movie UNINTERRUPTED absolutely amazes me. I used to LOVE going to the movies, but lately, each time I go, something like this happens. It really frustrates me and I leave swearing to myself that I'll never go to the movies again. I just want to scream at these rude people to grow up and follow the rules of common decency. Is that too much to ask?

Samba your way out of here....

Never have I been so happy to be wrong. I got an amazing three out of four predictions wrong for the World Cup quarterfinals, but I am still smiling. Why? We'll get to that game last.

Recap:
Germany v Argentina - I predicted Argentina would win, but I said that I wouldn't be surprised if Germany won. Well, Germany did win in penalty kicks and I am still not shocked. It was the battle of two good teams. Unfortunately for Argentina, it went to penalty kicks where Germany does not lose. They are like friggin' cyborgs. Robots. Cold Hearted. They just step up and get it done. Once it went to PKs, I knew it was over for Argentina.

Italy v Ukraine - Italy won as I predicted, but I thought it would be closer. What a dominating 3-0 performance.

England v Portugal - Sad to see England gone. Sad to see Beckham limp off like that in his last game being captain of England. Sad to see Rooney be a bonehead. Sad to see England still can't shoot PKs. Depressing. Oh well, guess my prediction was wrong.

Brazil v France - I picked Brazil. How happy am I that I was wrong? Let's just say I have now seen the game three times. From Henry's beautiful volley, to Zidane's artistry of the ball, to watching Brazil's heads down after a disappointing loss, this really made my World Cup. I have my favorites, I want them to win, but ultimately, I went into the World Cup knowing I would be happy as long as Brazil didin't win. Now they won't, and I know I will watch the rest of the Cup in peace.





























My semifinal predictions -
Italy v Germany - End of the line for Germany, I think. Italy wins 1-0
France v Portugal - France keeps going strong. France 2-1.


On a REALLY sad note, tragedy has struck at my house. I have a shelf in my office that was bolted into the studs in my wall. Unfortunately, it still managed to fall yesterday. Remember those comic statues I got for my birthday? Broken. Mostly just fingers and arms, but it was a DISASTER. I HOPE, PRAY, that glue will stick these guys back together. I LOVE these figures. It crushed me. I just got them. They were expensive. Who would have predicted the shelf would break? What could I have done? What do I do now?!?!?!?


Movie quote time:
1. "It was great. She showed me all the wallpaper and where everything is going to go. And then she brought me in the back room where she took all her clothes off."

2. "No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade... the rum!"

3. "El, you really must try this because it's puerco pibil. It's a slow-roasted pork, nothing fancy. It just happens to be my favorite, and I order it with a tequila and lime in every dive I go to in this country. And honestly, that is the best it's ever been anywhere. In fact, it's too good. It's so good that when I'm finished, I'll pay my check, walk straight into the kitchen and shoot the cook. Because that's what I do. I restore the balance to this country. And that is what I would like from you right now. Help keep the balance by pulling the trigger."

My New Boyfriend

With the World Cup constantly on at our house, I've watched more soccer than I care to. Oops, did I say that out loud?! Really though, I've quite enjoyed it. It has been exciting.

And as an added bonus, I've found a new boyfriend! Cristiano Ronaldo. He plays for Portugal. He's ADORABLE! In non-World Cup games he plays for Manchester United, which makes Manuel ok with the fact that we're dating. He's young. He's cute. What more could a girl ask for in a boyfriend?

I've included some pictures for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy! I do...