Mixed Emotions

It's official. I handed in my letter of resignation Thursday. What follows is the conversation I had with my manager...

Manager: What's this? (as I hand her the envelope containing the letter)
Jessica: A letter.
M: A letter? I usually don't like to get letters.
J: Yeah, you're probably not going to like this one...
M: Come sit down. (as she's opening and reading the letter) You're going to do office nursing? Do you think you'll like that?
J: I hope so!
M: Can I ask why you're leaving?
J: The things that are happening here just aren't cool. It's not cool when 3 or 4 patients are sitting on the bench waiting to be seen.
M: I'm working really hard to get more nurses.
J: I know you are and I appreciate that, but it's going to take more than just bodies to make it better. It's not cool to labor patients in the hall. It's not cool to labor patients in the anteroom. I heard the big wigs say, when they came to the unit the other day, that they had no more rooms to give us, and I'm not going to wait until 2009 for the new tower to be built. (What I wanted to say was, unfortunately, it's going to take someone dying for people to realize that we need help, and I'm not sticking around for that to happen. God forbid it be my patient. I'm NOT losing my nursing license for (insert name of hospital here.)) Plus, the other day I came in early to help and ended up working 14.5 hours without a break, and at the end of the day, I never got a thank you, appreciate your hard work, kiss my ass, nothing.
M: I'm sorry.
J: It's not your fault. It's just that I don't think it's right to dread coming to work. I'm not having fun anymore.

Then she said some nice things about how it would be sad to see me go and how everyone would miss me and things like that. I left her office on good terms.

But what really got me is that while we were talking, she got teary-eyed. I know she works her ass off to try to make things better for us, and the last thing she can really afford is to lose (another) nurse. I know she is beyond frustrated. What bothers me is that I truly love the people I work with - they are a fantastic fantastic fantastic group. I know that my leaving is like bailing on them - losing a body makes everyone left have to work harder to pick up the slack. THAT is what I feel the worst about.

But as numerous people told me Thursday, I have to do what is best for me. I know that in my head, because truly I wasn't happy there, but in my heart, I'm upset by it.

Then later in the day, another manager came up to me and said...

M: I'm sorry we drove you away.
J: You don't have to apologize. It's wasn't anything one person could apologize for and make it better. It's just not cool, what's happening here, and I don't think you should have to dread coming to work, and that's what I do.
M: Well, it will be a big loss to the unit to have you leave. Everyone loves you.

That made me feel good - that I'm that much of an asset, worker wise and personality wise.

I just can't seem to shake the thought though that I'm a weiner - that I've only been at this a little over 2 years and I'm already burned out. Like, who am I to be burned out - I haven't even experienced much yet. How much of a pussy am I that I run at the first sign of things getting tough? I'm having a really hard time with this...