Random Thoughts

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. There’s not much new to report, but I do have a few random thoughts I’m willing to share…

Thank you, Sonja, for asking how the new job was going. All is well. Apparently the holiday season is slow, so I have a lot of down time. I usually have 5 patients I see each day – these days I’m lucky to have 3 scheduled. And I’m even luckier if they actually show up. I never knew how many people just didn’t show up for their appointments. No call, no reschedule, no kiss my ass, nothing. So yeah, I spend a good deal of time playing Minesweeper or wandering around, looking for things to do. I like the cushy, laid back, relaxed atmosphere – a BIG change from the stressful, crazy, hectic pace of the hospital. Things will pick up after the New Year. I’m just hanging in there until then.

My name is Jessica and I’m a Guitar Hero 2 addict. I know I bought this game for Manuel for our anniversary, but I admit that I play it more than him. In my defense, he plays his PS3 more, but still, I’m always the one asking if we can play. It’s addicting! We try to beat each other’s high scores, plus I think it fills the little musical void I’ve been feeling in my life. Granted, I’m not REALLY playing the guitar, I’m not REALLY making music, but it’s a pretty good substitute.

Anyone who knows me, or has seen pictures of me, knows that I’m a bit fluffy, voluptuous, curvy, thick, heavy, fat - whatever descriptive words you want to use to say that I could stand to lose some weight. I’ve been heavy ALL MY LIFE. That’s my cross to bear, I suppose. It upsets me, sure, but I try to make the most of it. I think I’m surprisingly healthy for my weight. And when it makes me feel self-conscious and uncomfortable, I use self-deprecating humor. I know I should be happy with who I am and not worry about what others think, but I do – I think that’s human nature. I make fun of myself so they know that I know I’m fat. For some reason it’s my ultimate fear for someone to look at me and think, “Does that girl know how she looks?” Yes, I am painfully aware, thank you. And I can honestly say that I’ve done everything under the sun to lose weight without 100% success. Oh sure, I’ll lose the weight, but keeping it off is the hard part. My point? I am, easily, the heaviest girl who works in the back at the office (the back sees patients, the front checks them in.) Everyone else has a cute little figure, and if they have weight to lose, it’s 20 pounds at the absolute most. Why then do I constantly overhear my co-workers talking about how fat they are and how they want to lose weight? Are they serious?! I want to scream at them, “ I’m sure your problems are real to you, but open your eyes sister! I WISH I had your weight issue!” Then I want to hit them until they fall down, then kick them until they die, then go through their pockets to see if they have anything good to snack on.

I made myself laugh with that last part. But really, if you’re going to talk about your weight issues, please be aware of your surroundings and not to it if someone heavier than you is within earshot.

Christmas is fast approaching. Thanks to my wonderful husband going out to shop while I was at work today, we are very nearly done. I think we have 2 things left to get for 2 different people, and that’s it. It’s a good feeling, to have all of your shopping done - a big weight off the shoulders, almost like you can enjoy the holidays now.

And I think that’s it from here. Thanks for listening to my random thoughts, and feel free to comment as you like. And if I don’t talk to you before, have a fantastic Christmas and a safe and happy New Year.