Photographic proof. I am a nerd.
One thing I have noticed along the way with this countdown and within the couple of years I have been posting on this spot. I crave attention for my artistic capabilities. I seek anonymity and praise. I write better when given a reaction. It is noticeable in the start of this countdown and into this very post. I started out walking around thinking of posts every day. I carried a notebook with me to track the ideas. I have some saved still cause they are posts that deserve more than a whim and a swing as I am doing now. Honestly, I would write better if I think more people would listen or respond. Not to downplay the three people that I think read everything I post, but I use to really enjoy seeing double digits in the comments section of my writings.
That makes me an attention whore in this lil world of blogdom. The more people say, the more I feed off of it. Maybe it speaks more to my lack of having anything to say. I have been tuned out because I am lacking in the effort department. My writings are lackluster and people don't care anymore. I mean really pictures get more attention than me. Not a shot at you Mannie fresh, but you feel me on that one right? Really all I can do is write. And if that is somehow gone? It's a slight setback. I know the true artist can find the creative mojo from within, but I ain't that guy. I crave emotions and life moments to make it all worth writing about. Fortunately, for my sanity, I lost a great catalyst. This also means my writing suffers. That's just me at this point. Maybe a year from now I won't be that way, but I know if I go out and do stuff tomorrow, dumb or otherwise, I will come up with something semi-original. If I do the same old routine, you will get something less than my best.
I guess we all search for a inner spark to our lives. Through our children or our work or our faith. I just don't have any of that. Not anything real. No anymore.
I might be giving away the ending to all this too soon. :)
Rabble Rock!
5 comments:
I didn't grow up in that area, find myself trying not to say "Octopus Prime" as the name of the character in that movie.
FYI... I read all you write. It's not that I don't want to respond, you just seem to find your own conclusion by the end of your post. I almost feel like I am sneaking and reading your personal diary, and I don't want to intrude into your inner thoughts and emotions. Not knowing you on a personal level and your past with friends, girls, personal milestones, I almost feel like I have no business responding to you. Who am I to judge? Who am I to critique and give you advise. It sounds like what has been ailing you for the past year is slowly ebbing. You seem to be growing and writing these posts appears to give something back to you that you feel has been lost or missing. I truly enjoy your writing. From fake speeches, to ramblings about Transformers and how many smiles you do or don't give. The more I read the more I realize you are an amazing person. You seem to be on the right track and I hope that even after "Day 1" is complete, you choose to keep posting. I will keep reading, and I will try to respond more.
I hear ya on the comments! There's nothing like working really hard on a post, measuring your words, pouring out your heart and deepest thoughts and having 3 people comment when you know damn good and well 10 times that many people read the blog.
My picture above has more comments. Took me about 30 seconds. Just saying... lol
Rich, I do read everything as well but sometimes I'm just at a lost of what to say. You write so well and what is in my head doesn't always come out on the comments. Keep writing - I think we're all looking forward to the Day 1 post but hoping it won't be your last. I love the nerdy side of you - why? Because my son is a nerd and I love him, too!
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