Why I became an ass.

Most people have heard that phrase, "Nice guys finish last." I use to believe that I was defined by that phrase. Looking back I now know that I simply let it define me and I became that guy because I had convinced myself that is was what I was. Letting something like that mold my everyday behavior was an excuse. I took it on as a role and I played it because it was easy and it fit for me. I saw no one else taking on that role in my little corner of the earth and I took it on by default. In retrospect, I feel like I cheated myself out of a lot of things because I was busy being responsible and practical. There is a difference between being a nice guy and being nice.

I see that I had no other layers to me. In high school and college and the years beyond that I was just simple. I was predictable and ordinary. I would fall asleep listening to the 22 year-old version of me talk to myself. If that was possible that is. You get the point though. I waited my turn and was a gentleman to every person I met and the one thing any person could say about me back then is, "what a nice guy."

It took 28 years and one girl, but it finally wasn't enough anymore. I don't want my tombstone to read, "What a nice guy." I decided that I needed a little bit of asshole in me and here is why....

I in no way want to offend the rest of the world on my way to the top, but whatever it is that I was doing wasn't working. I am an ordinary man who leads an ordinary life and that is just plain nice. Ya know what that gets you? a 97 Mazda protege. Paperbag brown at that. Therefore I had to add something to my personality. Something that is selfish and arrogant. Something that is confidant and abrasive. Just trying to find a balance people. So while the niceguy in me will hold the door open for a lady, the ass in me will walk up behind that girl and ask for her name as well. I waited too long for life to happen to me. Guess what? It did and I don't like it. So, I am going to say what is on my mind and probably hurt some feelings. Guess what? I will apologize later for the hurt feelings, but not for the fact that I said what I said. I don't know much, but I know this much. I am the first person that I have to care about. I have to take care of my own life and then I can worry about other folks. That is pretty much why I started this project. So I can find out what my identity really is. Can I write a book or a screenplay? Can I be something beside ordinary? I am going to find out. Cause, quite frankly, I have to be able to say to myself that I did the things I wanted to in my life and leave no doubt. Not cause someone told me to do it or cause it would help someone else. Life is about more than family and friends. It has to be about you first than you can decide if you can do anything for other people.

That is how it all began and that is how it is going to continue. I may not have much to say most of the time, but you will know where I stand and how I feel. Cause if you ask, I will tell you. And even when you don't ask I will tell you. I may not become rich or famous, but I will be able to walk away someday and say that I saw what was wrong and I fixed it. I lived my life. Thank you Maria. I love you. Don't ask people. I save that conversation for my therapist. He keeps telling me I have trust issues. I keep telling him to go screw himself. (Pause for studio applause and laugh track)................

Now beat it you freaks and always remember. The Air Jordan 10's and 14's are the best basketball shoes ever. Maggiano's is a great place to eat. And go out tomorrow and do something completely selfish. Do it just for your own sake and I promise you it will make the rest of your day seem a little more bearable and reasonable. You will thank me later.

It's already here people. You just didn't know about it.

Air Jordan 10 X Sacramento Kings Edition (black / concord)

Someday.