So here is the story.
I have found complete self-awareness.
The trouble is doing something about it when it occurs. The other day I felt a slip back into the old me. The prior me. I have been slipping the past couple of days. My training has been off. I have slacked on my work and am paying the price. One day off sets back an entire week of work. And for what? Nothing. I can see now that when I was 18 I wasn't planning for 21. I am 28 and I am not planning for 30. Then the time comes around and it's just gone like that.
I know how and why I get depressed.
I know that I have a crack in my motivational methods cause a third of the way through it all I am slipping. I see improvement and a level of consistency and stop striving for more. It's why I started this countdown as a way to apply some accountability to myself through public forum.
I took a look around today and saw something I didn't like. I haven't earned anything I have. I am living off of a life of good faith in the ability to follow through on my word. Unfortunately, my basic statistical status in a bio format does not make me look attractive. Ya know what I think has come to bug me the most? I am completely doing this whole thing for myself by myself just for my own satisfaction of completing the journey. The worst part about that ya ask? Somehow that isn't a good enough reason to finish it all off.
And this is why I will fail.
"Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You're gonna lose. Smile you Fuck."
Someone should know that movie quote. :)
3 comments:
You are striving for something and that is not failing.. There is nothing wrong with doing something for yourself, by yourself.. Keep on it and yes time flies.. but that is the way it is.. Too bad there isn't a machine to take back to redo things and be more prepared for the future...That quote sounds familiar, but I can't think of where I heard it..
Please don't quit, Rich. I look forward to your daily insights. What you've experienced is a slight setback in your journey. Liken it to dieting, something I know well: You're on a diet, striving to lose weight, look better, feel better about yourself. It's a journey, something you're going to have to work on for a long time. But then you have a day where it just doesn't sound good and you opt for the burger and fries instead of the salad. But the next day you get back on track and all is well as you're back on your journey. See - the same thing. And without sounding too much like a cheerleader, I'd like you to have more faith in yourself. I didn't like it when you said, "And this is why I will fail." You will succeed if you WANT to succeed. Hopefully you've gotten enough out of the journey thus far that you see the benefit of continuing.
I couldn't have said it better Jess. Keep writing Rich and you will succeed. Using Jess' diet analogy - when you write what you eat down, you are far more successful. You may slip a day or two and even cheat but that is okay. That is all part of the self awareness. You know what you did this time and you know you need to continue and how to make it work. Don't give up! We all have faith in you.
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