I apologize to "The Associates."
I will take you back again. It was around 1997-98. In between high school and my short college career. I was beginning to see a side of my high school friends that I really didn't want to see. They were participating in activities that I deemed questionable and a waste of time. I instantly judged these people and their actions. I joined up with a close friends of mine in taking to calling them "associates" cause they were no longer friends. My friends wouldn't do those kinds of things and I was now only associated with these guys through circumstance. Looking back, I was being a stuck-up prick really. Who was I to know that what roads these friends of mine were taking was soo wrong? I made my choice and decided to not partake in the things they were, but did that really make me better?
I think if you asked me back then I would say yes to that last question. I would walk around talking down on these guys and blowing myself up as a bastion of good will. I was just as lost as these guys. Searching for fun and a way to get a hold of something in life. I was so in the mindset of doing the right thing that I never stopped to think that it might not be my thing. Not that I needed to go out and get drunk and high and maybe get a police record. I think I should have done those things back then. Not that it would have been excused cause I knew better back then, but at least I would try something. I spent soo much time just not trying anything that I became quite the shut-in. I am paying the price for that now.
This past Saturday I sat at a table and remembered this time in my life as I looked at these friends of mine. People I had secretly insulted because I thought I was such an angel. Turns out that the friend I use to do all this insulting with is now my "associate." Meanwhile I would rather play some poker with the old "associates" than get in some basketball with my new "associate."
The past is the past and it should be left there. I just felt the need to say that I was wrong. I am more like these guys than I thought I ever was. And that is actually a good thing.
Rabble Rock!
2 comments:
I get what you mean man. I was pretty much the same way. I don't regret never being a "bad boy", but I know that I should have never thought less of them for what they did/do. I realized a couple of years ago that I actually have more in common with them and have more talk about with them than that other associate you probably are talking about. Hence, I hang out with them more. Very good post.
I'm glad you learned ANOTHER thing about yourself (that's what this journey is REALLY about, huh?!) You can't always agree with all of the things your friends do, but as long as you know that they're good guys and will be there for you if you need them, that's the measure of a good friend, not what they choose to do as extra curricular activities. I've mentioned to Manuel more than once that I think you guys are a fantastic group of guys and he's very lucky to have you, along with the others, as friends.
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