Day 67

Tonight I am conflicted.

As I watch this tribute show to the man that was Chris Benoit I find myself not feeling sad. Initially I was, but due to early reports I am now incapable of feeling that kind of emotion for the situation. Death is never a good thing, but it is a part of life. Perhaps I am rushing to judgment, but this is my take tonight.

Chris Benoit was found dead in his home in Fayetteville, Georgia today. The bodies of his 7-year old son and his wife were also found lifeless. It is being reported as a double murder-suicide. Presumably, Chris Benoit killed his wife and his son over the weekend and then took his own life on Monday. Authorities, through a press conference given late Monday night, gave what little details they could give as to how the discovery was made. I will simply refer you to WWE.com for those details. The gist of it is that the local authorities have officially ruled this a double murder-suicide.

I have sat through and watched grown men and women cry over Chris Benoit. Granted, this was all before these findings were released to the public as well as to the WWE I presume. Something tells me that a few higher-ups in the WWE kept this on a need-to-know basis until the investigations were made official. I can understand the emotions these people have gone through having to lose yet another peer and friend. This is where I emotionally disconnect from it all.

There is no explanation that will ever justify what happened in that house this weekend. If the findings are true and we all have to accept them as fact, this man in his own home took the life of two people and then his own. Asking all the W's doesn't matter to me anymore. Why? What? All that jazz doesn't mean a damn thing to me. I know I spoke earlier these past few days of passing judgment. Perhaps I will have to look back on myself on this night and say I was wrong. Tonight though I say I can pass judgment as much as I want. I feel nothing for this man. I can respect the work and admit that he entertained me. I can understand the sentiments of those he left behind because tons of people believe in leaving out all the rest and just remembering the good in people. I won't. I don't. I can be honest and say one moment can define a person. I believe this is all I need to know about Chris Benoit. He was a murderer and a coward.

Sure this is brave talk in front of a computer screen. I am sure numerous large individuals would take pleasure in confronting me about speaking badly about the deceased. I tend to believe I could stand there and take my beating to make my point. 40 years of integrity and respect and morale's got Chris Benoit nothing. This headline will define his life. No matter the stories of how great he was with his family and his kids in front of all his peers at a wrestling venue this is what he will always be. The man capable of this act. Now let me do some further qualifying and explaining.

I believe we all are capable of doing exactly what Chris Benoit did this weekend. If we all are of the camp that human being are capable of such great things and able to do what we can if we put our minds to it in the positive sense, then logically speaking the opposite is very true as well. There is a difference between thought and action. What we are able to do and what we actually end up doing. Morbid perhaps. Insightful maybe. Original? Not at all. I just think we all are better off accepting the fact that we are in a world of black and white and grey. ANYTHING is possible.

I am not a religious man. I don't pray. I don't think God is looking out for me or responsible for my actions. Tonight, if God was anywhere it was with these two people. For the son and daughter left behind by the Benoit family I offer you my only prayer tonight. What will happen to them? I now ask what kind of man kills his wife and son and takes his own life? Answer me that someone. We all have been pushed to emotional brinks in our lives. At those moments we are defined by what we believe and how our values really stand out. It is then we find out if respect and integrity and common decency come to the forefront. It is then we find out if we can rise above the drama or let it overtake us. You ask yourself who am I to pass judgment? What have I been through to be able to say that it's so easy to make a choice no matter what the circumstances? You don't know me completely people. You don't know everything. And apparently a lot of people didn't really know Chris Benoit. Tomorrow I wake up and I move on. Cause this is the last time I will speak of this event. No cute statements to close.