Day 90

The story continues.....

Have you had the pleasure of walking around a Blockbuster video recently? I had to kill some time during my work day and decided to window shop the Natomas location. I started at the tail end of the new releases section and worked my way around the entire store. As I eyed the eclectic selection of movies it struck me. How did these movies even get made? Later it turned into this single thought.

How do you spot a good "BAD" movie?

Blockbuster does feature the normal selection of mainstream blockbusters. They are excluded from this list because they tend to not exhibit the symptoms of the typical good-bad movie. That's my new phrase. I just created it. Steal it. Use it. Credit me. Good-bad.
I am talking about the movies that never made it as a theatrical release. The ones that feature actors you know, but not from that particular movie. Which leads me to symptom one of the good-bad movie.

1. Actors you know from that other movie.

Nothing says credibility like advertising on the front cover of your movie that it features the actress from V for Vendetta when the movie in question is not V for Vendetta. Even if you liked Natalie Portman and/or her performance in V for Vendetta, why would you get this other movie based on that? Wouldn't you just go get V for Vendetta? No, I obviously would rather get this movie that has told me nothing about itself. I only know that it was fortunate enough to cast a good actress in a bad movie. And how bout a movie that tells you about an actress and then pimps her work from 10 years ago? Telling me your movie stars Baywatch babe Nicole Eggert does not make me want to watch it. It just makes me want to go back to 1992 or whatever it was when she was doing her thang in a swimsuit. Which brings me to.......symptom number 2

2. The back cover revealing the entire story.

I understand the need to inform, but is this really how it should be done....
JFK High School had no problem welcoming Chelsey Barber in with open arms. They let her in the chess club. She was a star on the basketball team. She had all the boys at her feet. Little did they know that Chelsey wasn't just from out of town. She was out of this world. Lauren London stars as the High Schooler from another galaxy. Taryn Hiles stars as Heather Starksy, Chelsey's goofy sidekick who discovers her secret 10 minutes into the movie and then goes about protecting it for the better part of the movie till she is found out and is forced to reveal her alien side to all her new human friends and as it turns out everyone accepts her even if she has three nipples and webbed feet. Guess I really want to watch this movie now that I know what is going to happen, right? Now for a doozy........symptom number 3

3. The copycat.

I actually saw the cover for this movie. Ready for it? Snakes on a Train. I am not making this up. Snakes on a Train. Now, Snakes on a Plane wasn't exactly a $200 million dollar blockbuster, but it had a nice run. I saw it. It was pretty good. These movie producing geniuses didn't wait a few years to re-do it or spoof it. They looked to capitalize on the popularity of the original by making a movie based on the same idea. Insert animal in form of transportation. GOLD! I think I have to watch this movie now just to see how goofy dumb it is. I will probably be the first person to rent it. They got me. Snakes on a mother F'n Train. They didn't even change the animal. Do Possums in a bank. Otters in a canoe. Tarantulas on an escalator. Credit to Opie and Anthony. I stole those last few bits from them. Classic funny. I might also check out The Quick and the Undead. This leads to this............. symptom 4

4. The sequel that is done way after with nothing to do with the original.

I walked by Road House 2. It's actually out there people. Made maybe a year or so ago and in the new release section featuring no one from the original Patrick Swayze classic. WHY!? I think the only thing that can save this sequel is if the lead male character rips someones throat out Ala The Swayzeee. Another in this mold was The Cutting Edge 2 15 years later not featuring Moira Kelly or D.B. Sweeney. Just two actors playing them 15 years older and with a kid. Genius once again. I, of course, watched the Cutting Edge 2 cause the original was one of my favorite movies and the first real romantic comedy that I dug. Number 2? Good-bad.

That about does it really. If you need a good laugh go get one of these movies exhibiting one of these symptoms. You will just shake your head at it's ridiculousness. You might stop watching half way through. Don't stick it out. I for sure want to be able to credit myself with saying I saw Snakes on a Train. It has to be done. Monday for sure. Rabble Rock!