"I'm not saying you took advantage of me, but I was vulnerable."
I have a tendency to be open on this here forum of ours. Here I go again. I have a lil bit of experience with womanspeak. I realize the majority of this current audience is female, so you will grant me to ability to excuse myself for a minute or two while I sound off as to my so-called expertise.
I understand the emotional outburst. Saying things you don't mean when you are mad. Having to repeat yourself repeatedly in order to get a point across. What I can not stand is revisionist history. What I do know from the quote above is that the truth is exactly the opposite of what is stated. Somewhere buried inside all this time those real feelings were there. I may have morphed over time into something else completely, but at the heart of it all that is where it started. In your mind I took advantage of a person in a weakened state. Someone who was lonely perhaps. FINE. I won't go into detail about all the reasons why this doesn't hold water. I will say that this is the lame reason why I can finally let go of a 4 year obsession. Cause if it's true or not is not the issue. If it even is slightly possible that this is how you see it, then I have a grand misconception of the whole relationship.
I know now you didn't want change. You wanted what you already had to be different. You just didn't want the main characters in your play to change. We lead seperate lives according to you. Probably right on that one. I was just the mirage over the sand dune. I gave you the illusion of what you wanted. And that is what you loved.
I, on the other hand, loved the person. Past tense on that one. I can move on to something else with you, but I see the forrest for the trees. I think that's how that saying goes. I'm dumb.
It was the tone in which you said it and at the time that you said it that made it seem odd. Not very neccessary to the subject at hand. A random throw away line. Makes me believe I finally know when you are lieing to me. I've seen you do it soo many times before to others. I really didn't want to acquire this talent.
Funny thing is I won't ever bring this up to you. Irrelevant words. Just don't ask me the one question you don't want answered.
Rabble Rock!
Cryptic ain't I? :)
4 comments:
very much cryptic.. Hmm.. A past love...? I think you loved someone and they wanted to try and change who you are in order for them to be happy.. leaving you to be unhappy but still loving them anyway..Then finally saying good-bye and leaving them to wonder what happened for them to be where they are now.. lonely.. and possibly unloved... Am I being cryptic now?
Hmmm....knowing the basics of the story, this answers a lot of what is going on right now.
That's very enlightening Rich. I can definitely see both angles. It seems someone was unhappy, wanted a change and was looking for what was lost in you. But, at the same time, really didn't want the change. Unfortunately, it too you and your heart for that person to see it. You have learned a lot from this life experience. I'm sorry that it was a rough ride!
Rich, while others do read this blog, occasionally a post to vent and get something off your chest, while not revealing everything necessary for the others to fully understand, is totally acceptable. Sometimes in life you have to do things for YOU, others be damned. I hope you feel better now that you got it off your chest.
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